I'm Manuel Saez, I write to help founders master emotional intelligence to make decisions with clarity and confidence 🌻 EQ coach, 2X-founder & award-winning designer ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵 🏍

In architecture school, we studied physics. I wasn’t expecting it, but one particular formula stuck with me: momentum equals mass times velocity.

The bigger something is, and the faster it moves, the harder it is to stop.

Back then, we were calculating the load on a beam, but something about it felt familiar in a deeper way. Like maybe this rule applied to more than just buildings.

Years later, while training to become an emotional intelligence coach, I realized that the same equation applied to my thoughts and emotions.

Once a certain kind of thought gets moving, it’s hard to stop. Especially when it’s negative. It is like a snowball that keeps growing as it roll downhill.

One anxious idea turns into three.
One conversation triggers the ego to overreact.
One small frustration spirals into a full day of self-doubt.

But the opposite is also true.

When I have a good day, a small win, a kind message, if I stay with it and nurture it, it grows.

One good thought leads to another.
One smile changes the tone of the room.
One shift in perspective can change how I see my whole day.

That’s positive momentum, and the best part is, it’s something we can influence.

Here’s how I’ve learned to build it and keep it going.

Subscribe now

Start with a Thought

Positive momentum always starts in the same place: your mind.
Not your circumstances.
Not the weather.
Not your inbox.

Positive momentum always starts with one purposeful, constructive thought.

I remind myself: I have what I need to make this a good day.

That thought becomes a lens. Suddenly,
I notice things working in my favor.
I feel more confident walking into meetings.
I speak with clarity.

The day reflects back what I believe.

I wrote an essay on this topic if you are interested ➜ Link

Start Small, Keep Moving

The easiest way to build momentum is to start.

Not perfectly. Not dramatically. Just start.

Make your bed. Send that one email. Go to the gym for 10 minutes. These aren’t productivity hacks, they’re small signals to your brain: We’re in motion now.

And once you're in motion, it's much easier to stay there.

What I’ve noticed is that forward movement creates its own fuel.
A small win leads to a bigger one.
Writing a single paragraph opens the door to writing more.
Making one call turns into a productive afternoon.

It’s not about chasing some massive breakthrough; it’s about stacking small efforts that shift the energy of your day.

The secret isn’t motivation, it’s momentum. And momentum rewards motion. It doesn’t have to be fast or fancy. Just needs to feel like progress.

Match the Energy You Want

Positive momentum is contagious.

If I bring calm, people tend to meet me there.
If I show up with enthusiasm, others pick up on that, too.

When I was running my company, I noticed how much my team mirrored my mood. If I felt hopeful, they did too. If I was tense, the room got quiet.

Now, I ask myself: What energy do I want to attract today? Then I try to show up with that energy first.

The Power of Acceptance

Accepting “what is” is one of the most surprising sources of positive momentum.

It sounds backwards. Momentum feels like effort, like pushing forward. But sometimes, the thing that moves us most is acceptance.

When I resist what is,
when I try to control outcomes, force progress,
when I hold onto what’s not working, I stall.

My energy gets tied up in frustration. But when I pause, take a breath, and accept where I am, something shifts.

I stop leaking energy into the past or into what I can’t control, and suddenly I have more of it to focus on what I can.

Letting go isn’t giving up. It’s making space. And that space often becomes the doorway back to clarity, action, and, eventually, positive momentum.

Share

Shift the Story

Our inner narrative is the rudder of our momentum.

A small failure can either be the start of a shame spiral or just a moment to learn and move forward.

The story I tell myself matters. Mind the internal narratives.

Instead of “I messed that up,” I try “I learned something useful.”
Instead of “This is falling apart,” I try “This is an inflection point.”

That small shift keeps the wheels turning in a better direction.

Surround Yourself with Catalysts

Some people drain you. Others light you up.

If I want to build positive momentum, I need to be around people who challenge me, support me, and believe in me.

When I’m stuck, I call a friend who knows how to see the good in things. Sometimes, just hearing someone else say “You’ve got this” is enough to move me forward.

Seek and nurture positive people in your life; they are your fuel.

Celebrate Progress

Acknowledging progress keeps the flame alive.

Too often, I skip this step. I hit a goal and immediately focus on the next one. But momentum doesn’t just come from movement; it comes from meaning.

When I take a moment to recognize what I’ve done, whether it’s something small or something hard, I reinforce the belief that I can keep going.

Don’t Wait for the Feeling

This one took me a while to learn. Positive momentum doesn’t always start with a good mood. Sometimes the feeling comes after the action.

I used to wait until I “felt” like working out or writing or reaching out. Now I know: feelings follow behavior.

So I start with the smallest possible action, and often the motivation shows up after I begin.

Subscribe now

Protect Your Inputs

What you consume affects how you feel.

I’ve noticed that when I scroll aimlessly or spend too much time reading the news, I feel sluggish and disconnected.

But when I listen to something inspiring or read something thoughtful, I feel focused and grounded.

If I want to stay in positive momentum, I have to be intentional about what I let in.

Use Your Breath

Sometimes momentum stalls. That’s normal. What matters is how you respond.

When I feel stuck or tense, I stop and breathe. Just a few deep breaths can interrupt the loop of stress and give me a second to choose a better thought.

It’s a small practice with a big impact. It gives me a reset button.

Build a Practice, Not a Streak

Momentum isn’t about perfection. You’re going to have off days. I do too.

The key is not to chase an unbroken streak; it’s to build a practice that’s easy to return to.

I try not to guilt myself when I fall out of rhythm.

I just return to the thought: Let’s start again. That’s where the momentum begins.

Leave a comment

When I zoom out on my life, I can trace every high-growth season back to a moment when I chose a better thought.

That one decision shaped my actions, my outlook, and eventually, my results.

Positive momentum isn’t magic. It’s physics. Get things moving in the right direction, and they tend to stay that way.

What helps you keep your momentum going? I'd love to hear what works for you.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel

👉 manuelsaez.com

I'm Manuel Saez, I write to help founders master emotional intelligence to make decisions with clarity and confidence 🌻 EQ coach, 2X-founder & award-winning designer ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵 🏍

You are the most important person in your universe.

It is paradoxical that when you put yourself first, you become the best version of yourself for those around you.

It might seem counterintuitive, and many people might see it as selfish.

Still, the reality is that the more you love and respect yourself, the better you are for everyone else.

Parents, teachers, nurses, founders, and people in positions of service tend to give it all for the people they are supporting, helping, or serving.

This is understandable, but it may harm them in the long run.

When we put ourselves first, we are much better positioned to help and support others.

More importantly, we have clarity and are in a place where we do things to the best of our abilities, and we can live life to our fullest potential.

To me, success is not about money, building a big company, or being in a position of power.

True success is to be in alignment with yourself.

I believe in this so much that I have a tattoo that reads "Start With Yourself," a constant reminder to always seek that self-alignment.

This essay is a collection of insights and experiences I've gathered over the years, aiming to help you prioritize self-care and find that crucial self-alignment.

Subscribe now

The Founder's Journey Begins Within

Founding a startup is one of the hardest things I have done.
It is filled with very rewarding highs and profound lows.
It is a journey in which you give it all, and sometimes, that means sacrificing your well-being for the job. That is a mistake I made.

When I was younger, I thought working harder or "doing more reps" was the answer to hard problems.

Sometimes, that worked, but most of the time, it didn’t.

With time, I learned that when I don't take care of my well-being, both physical and mental, things get worse.

Things started happening for me when I took care of myself, but more importantly, when I enjoyed the journey.

Taking time to nurture ourselves isn't a luxury; it's a necessity.

Simple practices like setting boundaries, prioritizing sleep, and taking breaks can make a difference.

Setting boundaries was particularly challenging for me.

I felt guilty for not always working, but I learned that I couldn't sustain the energy needed for my business without these boundaries.

Prioritizing sleep was another game-changer. I used to think I could get by on five hours of sleep, but I was wrong.

Now, I aim for eight hours each night, and the difference in my energy levels and focus is astounding.

Recognizing the Inner Critic

The inner critic is that nagging voice in our heads, always quick to point out our flaws and mistakes.

For many of us, this voice can be particularly harsh. I call mine "Pedro."

Pedro loves to show up when I'm already feeling down, reminding me of every failure and misstep.

This voice often originates from past experiences with critical figures in our lives, like parents or teachers.

Recognizing this “critic” is the first step in managing it.

When Pedro starts talking, I acknowledge him but don't let him take control.

Instead, I invite him to the table along with other supportive voices, like my Protector and Warrior. These voices remind me of my strengths and achievements.

Here's how you can do the same:

1. Awareness: Identify the voice and pay attention to when the inner critic speaks. Do not judge; just note the situations and triggers.
   Understand when and why this voice comes up. This step is crucial because it allows you to see patterns and recognize that this voice is not your true self but a response to specific stressors or situations.

2. Acceptance: Instead of fighting the voice, acknowledge its presence. Tell yourself, "I hear you, but you don't define me." This approach reduces the power of the inner critic.
   Accepting its presence prevents the inner struggle from becoming more intense. Acceptance allows you to move forward without being bogged down by negativity. (more on this below)

3. Gratitude: Recognize that the voice means well; it wants to protect you. Be grateful to have it because, at some point, it helped you navigate difficult situations.
   This gratitude helps reframe your relationship with the inner critic, seeing it as a misguided attempt at protection rather than an enemy.

4. Listen to Your Gut: Don't take Pedro as the only voice. Seek the other voices in your head, especially the one that speaks from your gut, your intuition. This voice is connected to your best self.
   With all the voices having spoken, you can make a well-rounded decision. Your intuition often has insights that the critic overlooks, providing a more balanced perspective.
   Combining these voices helps you make decisions that are rational and aligned with your true self.

This acknowledgment helps me separate my self-worth from his harsh words. By recognizing and understanding the inner critic, we can begin to manage it more effectively.

Embracing the Critic

Instead of fighting the inner critic, I've learned to accept it. Fighting only gives it more power.

Accepting Pedro means recognizing that he's part of me but doesn't define me.

I imagine sitting at a table with Pedro and the other supportive voices in my head, and having a discussion.

You gain a protector by accepting and allowing the critic to be part of the conversation.

This approach allows us to understand the origins of the inner critic and manage it more effectively.

It's about balancing the dialogue in our heads, not letting the critic overshadow the positive voices that support and uplift us.

Here's a process to help embrace self-acceptance:

1. Invite Supportive Voices: Imagine your supportive voices, like the Protector and Warrior, joining the conversation. What would they say? These voices can provide balance and remind you of your strengths and achievements.

2. Balance the Dialogue: Ensure the positive voices are as loud as the critic. Regularly acknowledge your strengths and achievements. This helps maintain a balanced perspective and prevents the critic from dominating your thoughts.

3. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Self-compassion involves recognizing your humanity, being kind to yourself, and understanding that making mistakes is part of being human.

This balance helps me maintain a healthier inner dialogue and confidently move forward. Embracing the critic doesn't mean agreeing but understanding its presence and balancing it with positive, supportive voices.

Subscribe now

Cultivating a Supportive Inner Team

Building a supportive inner team involves nurturing the positive voices in our heads alongside our inner critic.

For me, these voices include my Protector, Warrior, Cheerleader, and Wiser-self. Each plays a crucial role in maintaining a balanced inner dialogue.

My Protector reminds me to set boundaries.
This voice ensures that I don't overextend myself and helps me prioritize self-care. Setting boundaries was challenging for me initially, but listening to my Protector has helped me maintain my energy and focus.

My Warrior encourages me to take bold steps and face challenges head-on.
This voice provides the courage and determination needed to push through obstacles and pursue my goals with vigor. My Warrior has been instrumental in helping me overcome fears and take calculated risks.

My Cheerleader celebrates my achievements, no matter how small.
This voice provides positive reinforcement and reminds me of my strengths and successes. By acknowledging my accomplishments, my Cheerleader helps boost my confidence and motivation.

My Wiser Self is the version of myself that is connected with the universe and mediates everything.
This voice offers wisdom, perspective, and a sense of calm. My Wiser Self helps me see the bigger picture and guides me to make thoughtful decisions.

To cultivate these voices, I practice journaling and visualization.

Journaling helps me process my thoughts and gain clarity. Writing down my feelings and reflecting on my experiences allows me to see patterns and understand my emotions better.

Visualization techniques also play a crucial role. I spend a few minutes each day visualizing my success, seeing myself achieving my goals, and reinforcing positive self-belief.

Balancing these supportive voices with the inner critic creates a healthier inner dialogue. It's a continuous process that empowers me to face challenges with confidence and resilience.

Leave a comment

Let's recap the most important takeaways:

1. Start With Yourself: Prioritize self-care. It's not a luxury but a necessity for sustaining energy, creativity, and resilience.

2. Recognize the Inner Critic: Identify the inner critic's voice, acknowledge its presence, and understand its origins.

3. Embrace Self-Acceptance: Balance the dialogue in your head by inviting supportive voices like the Protector, Warrior, Cheerleader, and Wise self.

4. Cultivate a Supportive Inner Team: Nurture the positive voices in your head to maintain a balanced inner dialogue and build confidence.

Remember, self-love is a continuous journey, and it starts with you.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel

👉 manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

Some people seem to have this calm, grounded presence.

You can feel it when they walk into a room.

They don’t dominate with volume, but they hold space.

They listen.
They respond, not react.
They make decisions that feel clear and right.

You trust them, not because they’re perfect, but because they’re steady.

I used to think that was just personality. Some people are born like that. Turns out, it’s something you can learn.

Since becoming an emotional intelligence coach, I’ve been trying to define what makes someone an emotional intelligence champion.

Not a perfect person, but someone with emotional fitness. Someone who knows themselves, regulates their reactions, and shows up with integrity and clarity.

Here’s what I’ve learned. These aren’t traits you’re born with. They’re skills you build.

And if you’re on that path too, maybe this list will show you what you’re already doing well, and what you might want to work on next.

Subscribe now

1. Self-Awareness

It starts with awareness.

Before you can lead others, before you can make clear decisions, you have to know what’s happening inside you.

Emotionally intelligent people develop the ability to observe their thoughts and feelings without getting swept away by them.

They notice the heat of anger rising before it becomes an outburst.
They recognize the grip of anxiety before it turns into avoidance.
They don’t always act perfectly, but they create just enough space between emotion and action to make a better choice.

That space changes everything. It’s where clarity lives. It’s where integrity lives.

This wasn’t always easy for me. There were years when I thought my thoughts were the truth. If I felt it, I believed it. And that belief drove a lot of reactions I later regretted.

I am not perfect, but learning to step back, to catch a thought before it turned into a story, was one of the biggest shifts in my growth. I wrote about that in this essay, and it still feels like one of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned.

Self-awareness isn’t a one-time realization.
It’s a daily practice. And it’s the foundation for everything that follows.

2. Decisiveness Without Drama

I used to think fast decisions meant strong leadership.
Move quickly, trust your gut, don't look back.

That worked, until it didn’t.

The truth is, many of my worst decisions came from a place of urgency or emotional charge.
Anger.
Ego.

The need to prove a point. In those moments, I wasn’t choosing, I was reacting. And the consequences usually made things more complicated, not less.

What I’ve learned is that emotional intelligence doesn’t mean shutting down or stepping back from hard decisions.

It means knowing when not to decide.
Sometimes the smartest move is to pause.
To feel the discomfort without rushing to fix it.
To wait until the urgency fades and your mind clears.

From that place, you can see more angles. You can ask better questions.
You’re not just solving the problem in front of you; you’re responding to the whole system around it.

That shift from impulsive to intentional has changed how I lead.
It’s helped me make fewer messy decisions.
It’s helped me build trust.
And it’s helped me trust myself, because I know I’m not making calls just to quiet the noise in my head.

3. They’re Easy to Love

This one took me a while to understand.

For a long time, I thought emotional intelligence was mostly about how you handled stress or made decisions. I didn’t realize it also had everything to do with love.

To be emotionally intelligent is to be someone who can love and be loved.

That sounds simple, but it’s not. A lot of us walk around armored up, trying to be strong, impressive, untouchable.

We confuse control with confidence. We keep people at a distance because deep down, we’re afraid they’ll see the messy parts.

But the irony is, the more grounded you are in who you are, the more open you become.
You stop trying to perform.
You stop needing to be right all the time.
You become someone who listens, who forgives, who gives others space to be themselves, too.

And that’s the kind of person people feel safe with.
Not perfect, but real.
Not always agreeable, but available.

Being easy to love isn’t about pleasing everyone. It’s about letting people in. And letting yourself be seen.

4. Grace Under Pressure

We’re all emotional beings. And when things get hard, conflict, tension, and misunderstandings arise. It’s our ability to manage those emotions that makes the difference.

We’re not built to be calm in the chaos. Our system goes into overdrive, and if we’re not careful, we react from fear, pride, or frustration.

That’s why grace under pressure matters. It’s not about staying cool on the surface. It’s about staying grounded enough to respond with clarity and care.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t avoid hard conversations.
And they don’t inflame them either.
They hold space for others without losing their footing.
They can disagree without disconnecting.
Listen without collapsing.
Speak with truth and kindness, even when it’s uncomfortable.

That kind of grace builds trust. It turns friction into progress. And it’s something I keep working on, because in the moments when I get it right, everything around me starts to shift positively.

Share

5. Selective Caring

Emotionally intelligent people don’t give a fuck. Well, they do, but only about the right things.

We’re taught that caring deeply is a strength. And it is, when it’s intentional.

But when you care about everything,
what people think,
what didn’t go perfectly,
what’s completely out of your control, you burn out. Fast.

Selective caring is like an internal filter. It’s the ability to step back and ask:

Does this matter in the long run?
Can I actually change this?
Is this even mine to carry?

Without that filter, you end up in constant reaction mode, managing other people’s emotions, fixing things that aren’t yours to fix, spinning your wheels on things you can’t control.

It’s exhausting.

What I’ve learned is that this kind of discernment isn’t cold, it’s compassionate.
When you stop scattering your energy everywhere, you have more of it for the things that actually matter.

The people you love.
The work that fulfills you.
The boundaries that keep you grounded.

6. Letting Go

Some people carry every insult, mistake, or misstep like it’s tattooed on their soul. I’ve been that person.

Holding on can feel like control. Like if you replay the moment enough times, you’ll rewrite the past.

But you don’t. All you do is stay stuck in it.
The grudge becomes a wall.
The guilt becomes a weight.
And you end up building a prison around yourself with emotions that were never meant to be permanent.

Emotionally intelligent people know how to let go. Not because they’re morally superior, but because they’ve seen the cost of holding on.

They’ve learned that peace isn’t something you get from others; it’s something you give to yourself.

I wrote about this in Saying Sorry, and how learning to apologize—really apologize—wasn’t about being right or wrong.
It was about release.
About letting go of my part, so I could stop carrying what no longer served me.

Letting go isn’t weakness. It’s how you make space for something new.

7. Gratitude as a Lens

Emotionally intelligent people have an uncanny ability to see the good in the world.

To appreciate their blessings and find gratitude in the simple, mundane things most people overlook.

Life is hard sometimes. And being grateful isn’t about ignoring that or pretending everything’s fine when it’s not.

It’s about choosing to notice what’s still working,
what’s still beautiful,
what’s still worth appreciating, even on the hard days.

In one of the hardest moments of my life, I started a daily gratitude journal. It was a way to shift my focus from the pain to what was still great in my life.

Since then, I’ve made it a nightly practice. Every evening, I post a gratitude message on X—not for show, but to remind myself of what’s real. It helps me reset. It helps me end the day grounded, no matter what kind of day it was.

Gratitude, over time, becomes more than a habit. It becomes a way of seeing the world.

8. Clarity of Self

Emotionally intelligent people control their ego, know who they are, and they don’t need constant outside validation to prove it.

That doesn’t mean they’re never insecure.
It just means they don’t live from that insecurity.
They’ve done the work to understand their values, their needs, their voice.
They’ve faced themselves enough times to know what’s real and what’s noise.

When you have that kind of clarity, everything changes.
You stop shapeshifting to please others.
You stop chasing approval.
You make decisions that align with who you are, not who you think you need to be.

And in a world that’s always trying to pull you in a hundred directions, that kind of inner clarity is a superpower.
It keeps you steady.
It keeps you honest.
It keeps you, you.

9. Redefining Success

Emotionally intelligent people know that success isn’t just about money, titles, or status. It’s about alignment. It’s about peace of mind.

They still have ambition.
They still want to build, grow, and make an impact.
But they’re not willing to burn themselves out or betray their values to get there.
They know that achievement without emotional well-being is a hollow win.

They define success on their own terms, not by what looks good from the outside, but by what feels right on the inside.

That’s something I had to learn the hard way. I chased a version of success that looked impressive, but left me disconnected from myself. It took time (and a few painful lessons) to realize that real success includes joy, balance, and emotional clarity.

I wrote about success in this essay, where I explore what success looks like from an emotional intelligence perspective. You might see yourself in it.

10. Optimism as a Discipline

This one’s underrated.

Most people think optimism is just a personality trait, something you’re either born with or not.

But emotionally intelligent people know it’s a choice.
A discipline.
A habit you strengthen by how you respond to life, especially when it doesn’t go your way.

Optimism isn’t about ignoring problems or pretending everything is fine. It’s about refusing to let setbacks define you.

It’s the ability to hold space for what’s hard while still believing something good can come out of it.

Optimistic people aren’t naive. They’re resilient. They ask better questions:

What’s good here?
What else could be true?
What can I build from this?

They look for potential, not just problems. And they move through the world with a kind of belief that’s earned, not handed to them.

In my experience, this kind of optimism isn’t flashy or loud. It’s quiet, grounded, and steady. The kind that helps you keep going, not because everything is perfect, but because you believe it’s still worth showing up.

Leave a comment

There’s no trophy for becoming an emotional intelligence champion. No gold stars or finish line.

But you’ll know you’re on the right path when you feel lighter.
When your relationships feel easier.
When your decisions feel cleaner.
When you go to bed at night, with less tension in your chest.

That’s the real reward.

Now I’d love to hear from you:

What trait do you think defines an emotionally intelligent person?

Reply and let me know, I’d love to hear your take.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel
manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

A while back, I got an email that would have normally triggered me.

Not because it was offensive. Just one of those messages that sets something off. A need to fix, reply, or do something now.

In the past, I wouldn’t even think. I’d jump straight into action, adding one more thing to an already crowded day.

But this time, I didn’t.

I caught the thought. I noticed the urge. And I chose not to act.

Nothing bad happened. The world didn’t fall apart. In fact, the situation worked itself out without my intervention.

That moment stuck with me, not because of the email, but because of what I didn’t do.

For the first time, I felt the space between a thought and an action.

And I realized that the awareness of that space is where all my power lives.

Subscribe now

Everything Starts With Awareness

It’s easy to talk about change. Harder to do it.

But the one thing I keep coming back to,
the place where every meaningful shift in my life has started, is awareness.

Not willpower.
Not hacks.
Not planning.

Awareness.

When I’m aware of my thoughts, I have options.

I can stay with them or let them go. I can follow them into stress and self-doubt, or I can choose a different direction.

But when I’m not aware, I’m just reacting. On autopilot. Chasing emails, distractions, and other people’s expectations without even realizing it.

So many of the things we struggle with,
burnout,
anxiety,
insecurities,
poor decisions.

These don’t start with actions. They start with unconscious thoughts that trigger emotions, which push us to act in ways we later regret.

That’s why awareness isn’t just helpful. It’s essential.

Thought Channeling: Thinking on Purpose

I call this practice thought channeling, the act of thinking on purpose.

That means choosing the thoughts I want to focus on.

Redirecting my attention toward ideas that serve me. And learning to quickly shift when I notice thoughts pulling me into doubt, fear, or urgency that isn’t real.

It’s not about ignoring hard truths or pretending everything is great. It’s about deciding which thoughts deserve my energy.

Some days, it’s simple. I get a thought like “You’re behind. You’re not doing enough.” And instead of going down that rabbit hole, I pause and say, “I’m doing what I can. And that’s enough for today.”

With that, I remove the pressure to perform or do more. And paradoxically, the work I do feels more focused, grounded, and effective.

Other days, it’s harder. The thought is more subtle or feels more justified. But with practice, I’ve started to see those moments too.

I don’t always get it right, but I catch more than I used to. And that’s progress.

Share

How to Become Aware of Your Thoughts

This is where it starts, with noticing.
Not judging.
Not fixing.
Just noticing.

You don’t need a special app or a morning routine. You just need a moment of presence. A second to check in and ask:

What am I thinking right now?
Where is this thought leading me?
Is it helpful? Is it even true?

It’s not always easy. Especially when you’re tired, hungry, or stressed. But every time you catch a thought, you interrupt a pattern. You give yourself a choice.

And that moment of choice becomes a habit.
The habit of thinking on purpose instead of reacting by default.

Emotional Maturity Starts With Thought Awareness

When you learn to choose your thoughts, everything else changes.

You start to feel more emotionally grounded.
Less reactive.
More in control.
Not in a rigid or forced way, but in a way that’s rooted in clarity.

When you choose your thoughts, you choose your feelings and your actions. You feel confident, capable, and at peace with simply being yourself.

You stop needing everything to go your way in order to feel okay.

You stop letting one bad conversation or disappointing result ruin your entire day.

That kind of emotional steadiness isn’t built by suppressing your feelings.

It comes from understanding them. And that starts with understanding your thoughts.

Because thoughts drive emotions.
And emotions drive actions.

The moment you can see that chain as it’s happening, you get to rewrite the script.

Leave a comment

Practice, Patience, and Self-Love

If you’re reading this thinking “That sounds great, but I’m not good at it,” don’t worry.

Neither was I.

Thought awareness is a practice.

Like going to the gym, you don’t get stronger overnight. But every rep counts. Every time you catch a thought, every time you choose a better one, you’re building that mental muscle.

Some days you’ll feel on top of it.
Other days, you’ll get swept up in old patterns.

That’s okay. In fact, that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about practicing. You’re learning. You’re building something real.

The key is not to beat yourself up when you fall short. That defeats the whole point.

Instead, bring curiosity.
Bring patience.
Bring love.

That’s how awareness grows.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel
manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

When I was younger, I set out to climb a 10,000 ft. mountain deep in the wilderness of Argentina’s Andes.

At the summit, there was a lagoon I had read about, a hidden body of water where I wanted to swim.

There were no trails, no signs, no maps. Just me, the jungle, a mountain, and a sense of direction that felt strong enough to get me there.

And it did. The climb wasn’t easy, but it was straightforward. I could see my goal, the mountain I was going after, right in front of me the whole time. That made all the difference.

The way back was a different story.

Without the mountain to guide me, I wandered. The terrain all looked the same.

I thought I was making progress, only to realize I was walking in circles.

I was tired. Hungry. Alone. Disoriented.

I drank water from puddles in the jungle, but there was no food and no sense of which way was home.

Subscribe now

After two days, I came across a clearing. A few cows grazed lazily on the edge of an open field. In the distance, I saw what looked like a house.

I walked toward it, hopeful.

It wasn’t a house. It was a shack, a small cattle ranching station. A dog barked at me from afar. Then a man stepped outside, whistled, and the dog quieted.

I must have looked exhausted. He didn’t ask too many questions. He simply waved me in.

Inside, there wasn’t much. A cot. A dirt floor. A shelf hanging crookedly from the wall. A table made from unfinished wood, with logs for chairs. I can still remember how it smelled: smoke, earth, and old metal.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

I said yes.

He didn’t have much. Just a large onion, a can of red beans, and some red pepper flakes. He sliced the onion, added the beans, sprinkled the pepper, and handed me the bowl.

That dish is imprinted in my memory.

There was nothing fancy about it, just beans, an onion, and some red pepper. But in that moment, it felt like a feast. It’s the best salad I’ve ever had. The most delicious. The most satisfying.

To this day, I make it every now and then. But I have never been able to repeat the flavor and, more importantly, the immense feeling of joy and happiness I had while eating it the first time.

Looking back, that moment stands out as one of the happiest of my life.

The funny thing is, for most of my life, I believed happiness was something that came from having things: money, power, recognition.

But the truth is that the happiest moments I’ve ever had had nothing to do with any of that.

Share

I’ve had incredible highs in my life. Milestones. Celebrations. Successes I never imagined I’d reach.

But some of the purest happiness I’ve ever felt didn’t come with trophies or applause.

It came in a shack in the middle of nowhere, with a stranger offering a meal.

And it’s in moments like this that I remind myself:

I don’t need to chase happiness. I just need to notice it when it’s already here.

Why We Miss Those Happy Moments

The problem isn’t that happiness is rare. It’s that it’s subtle. It hides in ordinary moments.

We often think happiness is the result of big events: the dream job, the perfect relationship, the trip of a lifetime.

But more often than not, it shows up in small, quiet bursts. And if we’re too focused on what’s next, we walk right past it.

We miss it when we’re rushing.

We miss it when we’re scrolling.

We miss it when we’re trying to capture the moment instead of living it. Being present.

How I Try to Catch Happy Moments

I don’t think happiness is a permanent state. I don’t think it’s supposed to be. It comes and goes like the wind.

But I do believe you can train yourself to notice it more often. And when you do, it tends to stick around a little longer.

Here’s what helps me:

1. Pay attention to what’s already here.
Not what’s missing. Not what’s next. Just what’s happening right now.
I ask myself, is there joy in this? Is there beauty in this?

2. Slow down when something feels good.
When I notice the feeling of happiness creeping in, I try not to rush past it.
I breathe. I stay with it. I try to remember what it smells like, what it sounds like, how it feels in my body.

3. Let the moment be enough.
I don’t ask it to last forever. I don’t need it to prove anything.
I let it pass through me, like sunlight on my face.
That’s all it needs to be.

Leave a comment

What’s a moment of quiet happiness you almost missed—but didn’t?
I’d love to hear it.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel
manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

For me, a big part of growing up is learning to recognize and manage my ego.

Looking back, I can see countless times where my ego got in the way of winning,
of being happy,
of receiving love,
of getting the job I wanted,
of building strong relationships,
of saying “I’m sorry” or “I love you.”

But my ego also kept me going when I was tired,
helped me get up when I fell,
and pushed me to speak up when I was being silenced.

The truth is, when I do the math, an uncontrolled ego will hold me back more often than it will push me forward.

With a clear head and the benefit of hindsight, this is easy to see.

So I’m writing this as a reminder to myself, something I can come back to when I feel my ego taking over and clouding my judgment.

I want to be clear:
I don’t believe my ego is the enemy. I actually like my ego. It’s part of me. It made me who I am.

My ego is only one part of me. There are other versions of me, and the combination of them all, I’d like to believe, is the wisest version of me.

Subscribe now

The Ego Has Skills

The ego is clever. It knows how to keep you in check by playing subtle tricks.

The ego rationalizes everything, and it is really good at it.
I remember once my dad said in regards to people with big egos and their ability to rationalize their actions: “Probably, Hitler could rationalize his way to heaven.”

The ego creates stories to justify the perspective it wants you to see.
In my case, I can’t recall how many times I’ve had a “good reason” not to call someone back, or a “good reason” not to say sorry.
It’s not that those reasons were entirely false; they made sense at the time. But they were filtered through my ego and kept me from growing and living a full life.

The ego complains.
That little nagging voice that says, “This isn’t fair,” or “I’ve been doing this for so long, I deserve more.”
There might be some truth in that, but when the ego keeps feeding that narrative without balance, it creates resentment.
And that resentment, if left alone, can build for years.

The ego inflates your self-appreciation.
The ego tends to overestimate your contribution, how much time you’ve given, how deserving you are, or how essential you are.
It can make you say things like, “This company is going nowhere without me,” or “I’m the only one who can solve this.”

That’s ego in disguise.
It feels righteous, but it’s isolating. It is holding you back.

How My Ego Held Me Back

As a designer, I’ve done countless presentations to clients and teams.
As a founder, I’ve pitched to investors more times than I can remember.

In both cases, the ego is under attack.
It flares up when I feel judged or dismissed.
I catch myself thinking things like, “They don’t even get it,” or “Who are they to question this?”

That’s ego.
And when I walk into a pitch with that mindset, I shut myself off from what could help me grow.
Maybe they do have good suggestions.
Maybe they see something I’ve missed.

But when the ego’s driving, I can’t hear any of it.
And the feedback I resist is usually the one I need the most.

Share

Ego Management 101

This is what I’ve learned, and what I try to practice every day, to highlight the value of my ego while minimizing its downside.

1. Awareness
I stay on the lookout for ego-driven thoughts or actions.
They often show up as anger, bitterness, entitlement, or self-pity.
The first step is noticing them, without judging myself for having them.

2. Acceptance
Once I see the pattern, I try to accept it.
It’s part of me. It’s okay.
Then I ask myself: Why am I feeling this way?
Usually, there’s a trigger underneath, something I’m struggling to control.
Letting go of that need to control is one of the most powerful emotional tools I’ve learned.

3. Take Corrective Action
First, I reframe the thought.
I let my ego say its piece, then I invite other perspectives in.
Is there another way to look at this?
Maybe what happened wasn’t personal.
Maybe there’s more to the story than what my ego sees.
The goal is to see the world without the ego’s filter, then take action considering the full picture.

Subscribe now

I still slip up.
I still catch myself arguing with reality, trying to prove a point no one asked me to make.
But I’ve gotten better at recognizing when it’s happening.
And sometimes, that pause is all it takes to shift things.

Because the truth is, I don’t want to live life trying to be right all the time.
I want to stay open.
I want to stay connected.
I want to grow.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel
manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

What We Think Isn’t Always What It Is

A friend of mine recently told me about a conversation he had that left him feeling uneasy.
At the time, nothing felt off.
But as the day went on, and he kept thinking about it, he started to get angry.

Not during the conversation, but after it.

In his way home after work, when he had time to think, the more he replayed it in his head, the more frustrated he felt.

I’ve been there too.

Something happens, a quick exchange, a comment, the tone used, and I brush it off.

But later, when the noise dies down and I’m alone with my thoughts, it comes back.

And now I’m irritated, maybe even upset.
At something that didn’t bother me in real time.

That’s the trap.

Subscribe now

The Mind Makes Its Own Story

What I’ve learned over time is this:
My thoughts, especially the unchallenged ones, aren’t always telling me the truth.
They’re just telling me one version of it.

The more I let them loop, the more distorted things can get.
I start filling in gaps.

Adding meaning to words that weren’t meant that way.
Assuming a tone where there was none.
Building entire narratives out of thin air.

And when that story starts to feel real, my emotions follow.
I feel hurt.
I feel disrespected.
I feel angry.

All because I trusted a thought that wasn’t grounded in fact, just in feeling.

Unchecked Thoughts Become Toxic

It took me a while to notice this pattern.
At first, it felt like certain people or situations were just triggering.
But when I really paid attention, I realized something important:

The trigger wasn’t the person.
It wasn’t the thing they said.
It was what I told myself about what they said.

If I got distracted, if I jumped into another meeting, had lunch, or talked to someone else, that same comment didn’t bother me at all.

But if I sat with it, thought about it too long, repeated it in my head a few more times, then it would grow teeth.

Left unchecked, thoughts can become toxic.
They distort.
They escalate.
They pull us away from what actually happened and convince us something worse occurred.

Share

The Power to Choose a Different Story

Once I saw this clearly, I started doing something different.

When a negative thought pops up, I don’t push it away; I acknowledge it.
But I don’t stop there.
I ask myself:

What else could be true?
What if the opposite is true?
What if that person didn’t mean it how I took it?
What if I’m projecting something that has nothing to do with them?
What if this whole narrative I’m building is just a reflection of how I’m feeling today?

Then I bring in an alternative version — a more generous one.
One where the person was having a rough day, or where I misheard them, or where the comment came from care, not criticism.

And then, this part matters the most, I stop thinking about it.

I don’t sit around debating both sides.
I pick the more helpful version and move on.

If the thought comes back later, I do it again.

Not because I’m trying to pretend everything is fine, but because I’ve learned that my peace depends more on how I interpret things than on what actually happens.

Rewriting Reality

Nothing about the actual conversation changes.
The facts are the same.
The person said what they said.
The moment played out the way it did.

The only thing that changes is how I see it.
And that’s where the power is.

When I shift how I see the world, the world shifts for me.

I’m not stuck in the same emotional loop.
I’m not waiting for someone else to clarify, apologize, or fix it.
I’ve already moved forward.

That doesn’t mean I ignore my feelings.
It means I take responsibility for how I hold them.

A Simple Practice for Reframing Thoughts

Here’s something that works for me:

1. Notice the thoughts, especially the ones that feel heavy, like anger, resentment, or frustration.

2. Ask: What else could be true? Look for at least one other possible version of events that’s not rooted in negativity.

3. Choose the version that brings more peace. Even if you’re not 100% sure it’s true, trust the version that helps you feel grounded and whole.

4. Let go and redirect. Distract yourself. Do something else. Let the loop end here.

It’s not about being naïve or overly optimistic.
It’s about protecting your mental and emotional energy.
And not giving your peace away to a thought that might not even be real.

Leave a comment

Closing Thoughts

We think our thoughts are reality.
But they’re just interpretations.
Stories.
Drafts of the truth that haven’t been fact-checked.

The real power is in noticing when the story isn’t helping you, and writing a better one.

So now I’m curious...

What’s one thought you’ve challenged recently that changed how you felt about a situation?
I’d love to hear your story.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel
manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

I’ve been thinking…

There are no lazy people.
Only unmotivated people.

…and motivation comes with clarity and purpose.

There’s a story I heard once about two competitive lumberjacks.
They were racing to see who could chop down a tree the fastest.

The first one grabbed his axe and started swinging with everything he had.
The second one didn’t swing at all.
He sat down, pulled out a sharpening stone, and started honing his blade.

When he finally began chopping, he made quick work of it.
He won easily.
Not because he swung harder, but because he took the time to sharpen his axe.

I think about that story all the time.

In my life, sharpening the axe has always meant getting clear.
Not just moving for the sake of moving.
Not just doing things because I felt like I needed to stay busy.

But taking the time to ask myself:
Where am I going?
What do I want?
And why?

When I know what I want with 100% conviction, I am unstoppable.

When I have that clarity, everything else flows more naturally.
I’m less stressed.
I don’t have to force things.
Opportunities seem to show up at the right time because I’m already pointed in the right direction.

Subscribe now

My dad once told me something that stuck:

“Be like the mountain stream, son. No mountain can stop it on its way to the ocean.”

The stream doesn’t worry about how many rocks or cliffs it’ll face.
It just keeps moving.
Because it knows where it’s going.

The further it travels, the stronger it gets.
The more it overcomes, the more unstoppable it becomes.

I think about that too.
Especially when I feel stuck, or tired, or unsure.
The strength isn’t in being big, tough, rich, or smart.

Strength is in having clarity.

The stream doesn’t waste time wondering how big the mountains are or if it should keep going.
It just flows.

The same is true for our dreams, businesses, careers.

When you know where you’re going, when you’re really clear about it, almost no obstacle can stop you.

When Doubt Creeps In

I’ve noticed something over the years.
Whenever I’m unclear, I start overthinking everything.

Should I turn left or right?
Should I call this person or wait?
Should I push forward or rethink my whole plan?

Doubt eats energy.
It drains you without you even noticing.
It makes small problems feel bigger than they are.

When you don’t know what you want, every little thing feels like a major decision.
When you do know what you want, those same decisions are just steps on the path.

Share

What Clarity Feels Like

When I know what I want — and I know it with 100 percent conviction —
I feel unstoppable.

It’s not about forcing things.
It’s not about being aggressive.
It’s more like an inner calm.
Like a river that just keeps moving forward, no matter what.

There’s no second-guessing.
There’s no need to check with everyone else.
There’s no getting stuck in the weeds.

It’s just:
This is where I’m going.
This is why it matters to me.
Now let’s go.

How I Find Clarity

For me, clarity doesn’t just appear out of nowhere.
It’s something I work on all the time.

The biggest tool I use is writing.
Simple, honest writing.
Nothing fancy.

I sit down and write my goals. Not once a year.
I do it over and over, especially when doubt creeps in, when I feel lost or unmotivated.

I write what I want.
I write why I want it.

Sometimes I realize I don’t actually want the thing I thought I wanted.
Sometimes the same goal shows up again and again — that’s when I know it’s real.

The act of writing forces me to confront my real desires.
Not what I think I should want.
Not what other people want for me.
What I want.

And the more I do it, the sharper my axe gets.

Leave a comment

A Simple Way to Start

If you’re feeling stuck, here’s something that’s helped me:
Take a blank piece of paper.
At the top, write one question:

“What do I want right now?”

And then answer it, without judgment.
No editing.
No trying to sound smart or ambitious.
Just write.

Then do it again tomorrow.
And the day after that.

Eventually, a pattern will emerge.
You’ll see what really matters to you.
And once you have that clarity, moving forward gets a lot easier.

You don’t have to be the strongest.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
You just have to know where you’re going.

Like the mountain stream.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel
manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

We become so identified with our work that, sometimes, it feels like the only way we can define ourselves.

Think about it. When you're in a social setting and someone asks you,

"Who are you?"

It's nearly impossible not to respond, including what you do, or your job title in the answer. I’m guilty of it, too.

For years, when people asked who I was, I immediately replied, "I’m a startup founder."

My entire identity felt wrapped up in that label. And when it disappeared, so did my sense of self.

A friend recently told me he's retiring after 35 years at the same job. I could hear the excitement in his voice, but beneath it, there was something else.

It was subtle, but unmistakable. Fear.

He's thrilled about the possibilities ahead, yet there's an underlying hesitation, an uncertainty about leaving behind a life he knows so well.

The next step is a jump onto the unknown.

I recognized this feeling instantly because I'd been there myself.

When I sold my company a few years back, it felt like a celebration at first. The world was wide open, I had freedom, time, and opportunity.

For about six months, it was exactly as great as you'd imagine. But gradually, I noticed a shift. I started feeling restless, bored, and disconnected.

I was no longer the person I'd always been, a founder.
I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd lost my identity.
It felt disorienting, empty, scary.
It felt like I'd lost my way.

Sometimes we find ourselves in that place of figuring it all out again, but there may be some things we can do to prepare and to help us in that journey.

Here are a few that helped me, and some I wish I had known.

Subscribe now

Change is Inevitable, Resistance is Optional

Accepting the inevitability of change is the first step in handling any transition gracefully.

The reality is, resisting only drains your power.
When you resist, you become reactive, defensive, anxious.

You hold tighter to what you know, even when it's no longer working, just because it feels familiar.
You try to control the uncontrollable.
And that tight grip makes the process harder than it needs to be.

You stop fighting reality and start working with it.

Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means acknowledgment.
It means recognizing that change is part of life’s fabric and giving yourself permission to move forward.

When you accept, you shift from reacting to responding.
You create space for clarity.
You begin to ask better questions.

What do I need to let go of?
What is this transition trying to teach me?
What could this new chapter look like?

Change will happen whether we welcome it or not.
The choice is whether we meet it with resistance or with curiosity.

Acceptance puts you back in motion.
It doesn’t take away the discomfort, but it gives you the strength to face it.

And that’s where progress begins.

Five Ways to Navigate Big Life Transitions

These strategies helped me immensely through my own transition, and some I wish I'd known sooner:

1. Create a "Bridge Identity"

Don't leap into the void without support.
Create an interim identity, something transitional that isn’t strictly tied to your past role.

After selling my company, I started exploring roles as a coach and mentor.
These new identities felt meaningful but less all-consuming.
They gave me space to contribute without the pressure of building something from scratch again.

This "bridge identity" gave me a safe place to land.
It allowed me to keep showing up for others while I figured out who I was without the founder label.
It gave me direction without locking me into a permanent path.

When you're between who you were and who you're becoming, a bridge identity can help you stay grounded, useful, and in motion.

2. Lean on Routine

When everything feels uncertain, the familiarity of routines can be grounding.

Even something as simple as waking up at the same time, taking a walk, or making your morning coffee the same way each day can help.

For me, writing was that anchor routine.
I get up every morning and write for two hours, without pressure, just for the joy of writing.

These small acts create structure.
They remind your nervous system that not everything is changing.

Build or maintain daily rituals like exercise, reading, or journaling.
They don’t have to be perfect or productive.
They just have to be yours.

A good routine is less about discipline and more about rhythm.
And during transitions, rhythm is often what holds us together.

3. Rediscover Your Core Values

When our roles shift, it's easy to forget who we are beneath our titles.

Use this transition to reconnect with your core values, the things that remain constant no matter what job you have or don’t have.

As I went through this process, I wrote a document outlining my values and what I wanted.
It wasn’t polished, but it was honest.
And it helped me see what still mattered, even after everything else had changed.

Ask yourself: What really matters to me beyond work?
Family? Freedom? Curiosity? Health?

Clarifying your values won’t just give you comfort.
It will guide your next decisions.
It will help you say no to things that are no longer a fit, and yes to the ones that move you forward.

This is your compass when the map no longer makes sense.

Share

4. Talk Openly About Your Experience

Transitions can be isolating. Talking helps.

Share your thoughts and feelings with friends, a mentor, or someone you trust.
Not because they have answers, but because being heard can lighten the weight.

One resource I recommend is Downshift, led by Steve Schlafman. They guide founders, executives, and ambitious professionals through career inflection points to help them find greater alignment and meaning.

In my case, writing helped me immensely.
Putting it all down, even in messy drafts, helped me process what I was going through.
It gave shape to the confusion.

And occasionally, sharing that writing helped others see me as human.
It deepened relationships.
It brought support in places I didn’t expect.

5. Set New Goals, Even Small Ones

After a big milestone, the space that follows can feel strange.

You’re no longer chasing the thing that kept you focused for years.
So now what?

Set new goals.
Start small and specific.
Pick something that energizes you, even just a little.
Learn a new skill. Take a class. Sign up for something that gets you out of your head.

I chose to learn how to play the guitar, and that process helped me overcome fears and self-limitations I had carried for most of my life.

Breaking free from those beliefs was transformative. Here I share how I did it

It doesn’t need to be impressive. It just needs to move you forward.
Progress is powerful, especially when your identity feels like it’s been reset.

Purpose, even in small doses, helps you reconnect with yourself and what matters next.

Leave a comment

A Reminder: You're More Than Your Job Title

It's easy to forget this, especially after spending years invested in a particular role.
But the truth is, your job is just one aspect of who you are.

Transitions remind us that identity is fluid, complex, and beautifully multidimensional.

Who we become after big changes might feel uncertain at first.
But it can also be a chance to rediscover parts of ourselves we hadn’t seen in a while.

If any of this resonates, feel free to share your story.

What’s a transition that reshaped how you see yourself?

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel
manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

A while back, I wrote about the art of apologizing, a how-to guide I originally wrote for myself but shared in case it helped someone else.

Lately though, I’ve been thinking more about that invisible force that keeps us from saying sorry when we know it is the right thing to do.

Because if we’re honest, most of us know how to apologize. We just don’t always want to because it is hard to go beyond our egos.

At least, that’s what I noticed about myself.

Apologizing was especially hard for me when I was younger, when I was trying to prove I was right all the time, when my ego was running the show.

I thought saying sorry was a sign of weakness.

Or worse, accepting blame for something I didn’t intend to cause. I figured if I didn’t mean to hurt someone, then I shouldn’t have to apologize.

And if I did mean it? I wasn’t going to backtrack.

Looking back, I see how much unnecessary distance that created in my relationships.

What I’ve come to learn is this:

Apologizing isn’t about being right or wrong; it’s about being human.

Recognizing the impact we have on others, even unintentionally, is one of the most generous things we can do.

I don’t want to make it sound like I’m perfect. Saying sorry is hard, and I don’t always get there right away.

Saying sorry takes work. It takes self-awareness to notice when I’ve hurt someone, humility to see things from their perspective, and courage to take responsibility for my part.

Controlling my ego isn’t easy, but I’ve learned that it’s at the core of emotional maturity and the foundation of every meaningful relationship in my life.

Subscribe now

The Right Mindset to Say Sorry

Let’s start with the hard part: getting over yourself.

There’s no way around it; apologizing requires humility.

It means admitting that you’re not perfect, that you make mistakes, and that sometimes, your words or actions land in a way you didn’t expect.

That can be uncomfortable, especially if you’re someone who prides yourself on being self-aware, kind, or thoughtful.

But if you really think about it, that’s just your ego talking.

You can be a good person and still hurt someone.

I had to learn to be okay with “failing” by hurting people, even when I didn’t mean to.

I had to stop measuring my worth by how often I got things right. That mindset was a trap; it made it harder to own my missteps, and it made me defensive when someone pointed them out.

Now, I try to approach those moments with curiosity instead of shame.

If someone tells me I’ve hurt them, I pause. I check the impulse to explain myself or try to fix it right away. I try to just see it. I put myself in their shoes and imagine what it must have felt like on their end.

And then I say the words: I’m sorry, with honesty and empathy.

No disclaimers. No “buts.” Just: I’m sorry I hurt you. That wasn’t my intention, but I can see how it landed, and I want to understand.

That small shift, from defending your intention to recognizing your impact, can change everything.

Sometimes, I find it easier to write it down—to put into words what I’m feeling so I can understand it better myself. Writing helps me process my emotions and get clear on what happened.

And sometimes, when I share that writing with the person I’ve hurt, it helps them see me as a human, too. It softens the space between us and can begin to heal what was broken.

Apologies Build Strong Relationships

One of the biggest myths I believed was that if I apologized, I was admitting to being a bad person. Or being wrong. But that’s not how it works.

The people I respect the most are the ones who can acknowledge when they’ve messed up.

They don’t make excuses. They don’t disappear. They show up, take responsibility, and try to make things right.

It’s at the core of every great relationship I’ve had, personal or professional. And I try to be that person, too. Not perfectly, but consistently.

If I hurt someone, even unintentionally, I want to know. Not because I’m trying to win points, but because I care about the connection.

Because repairing that rupture, however small, matters more to me than being right.

So How Do You Say Sorry—Really?

Here’s what I try to keep in mind:

• Start with empathy. Before you say a word, try to understand what the other person has experienced. What might they have felt? What was the impact of your actions or words?

• Own your part. Even if you didn’t mean to hurt them, you still can acknowledge the pain it caused. Impact is greater than intention.

• Avoid excuses. If you catch yourself saying “I’m sorry if you felt that way” or “I didn’t mean to…”, stop. That’s not an apology, it’s a dodge.

• Stay with the discomfort. Apologies aren’t meant to be clean or easy. Let it be messy. Let it be human.

• Commit to learning. If the mistake came from something deeper, like stress, defensiveness, or old patterns, acknowledge that too. Say you’ll do better. And mean it.

• Do it without expectations. Apologize because it is the right thing to do, not because you want the other person to react a certain way. Apologize even when the other person may not accept it.

It sounds simple. It’s not always easy. But it is worth it.

Apologizing Builds Trust

Here’s what I know now that I didn’t back then:

People don’t expect you to be perfect; they want to know they can trust you. Apologizing is at the core of building trust.

We’re all going to mess up.
We’ll miss a signal.
Say something in the wrong tone.
We’ll be distracted when someone needs our full presence.
We’ll bring our baggage into a conversation that wasn’t about us.

That’s just being human. What matters most is what happens next.

Do we shut down? Get defensive? Pretend it didn’t happen?

Or do we own it, face it, and say the words that open the door to connection again?

Saying sorry might not erase the hurt. But it tells the other person: You matter more to me than my ego.

And that’s a powerful thing to hear.

Leave a comment

A question for you.

Have you thought about apologizing to yourself or people in your past?

I’d love to hear if this essay got you thinking or if it’s prompting you to take that step to mend a relationship. Let me know.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel
manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

What we think, we become.

The thoughts that live in our heads shape how we feel. Our feelings shape our actions. Our actions create our reality.

Over time, I realized that the things I kept thinking about, good or bad, ended up happening in one form or another.

If I thought, “This isn’t going to work out,” it usually didn’t.

If I thought, “I’ll find a way,” I almost always did.

I’ve tested this over the years.

What I’ve found is that when I make a conscious effort to shift a negative thought into something more positive, it creates a chain reaction of good things.

Almost instantly, the world feels different. In that state, when I’m more open, more grounded, ideas flow, things click, people respond better.

When I practice mindful thinking, life feels just the way it should be.

I know this might sound simple. I know it’s not easy. But I also know is possible to have a say in the narrative in our heads.

Negative thought patterns have been with me for as long as I can remember. Maybe they come from things that happened in my childhood.

Maybe from traumatic moments as a young adult. I’ve carried the habit of waiting for the other shoe to drop. A lot of us do. But we can move past that and grow into more emotionally mature versions of ourselves.

Here’s what helped me: how I purposefully chose mindful thinking and started reshaping my life in a better direction. 👇

Subscribe now

Start With Awareness

All positive change starts with awareness.

For me, the first step was learning to catch the thought.

Before I could shift anything, I had to notice what was going on in my mind. Whenever I felt anxious, angry, or upset, I’d stop and ask myself: What have I been thinking? What thoughts led to this feeling?

Then I’d look for the pattern. I’d observe without judging myself, just noticing the thoughts with clarity.

Awareness doesn’t always come easily, especially when you’re tired, hungry, stressed, or overwhelmed.

But once I started observing my thoughts instead of automatically reacting to them, I realized I had more agency than I thought.

A single thought can set off an entire emotional chain reaction. But with practice, I learned I could pause, see it coming, and choose to respond differently.

Developing that kind of self-awareness has been a cornerstone of my emotional intelligence.

It’s helped me build better relationships, make better decisions, and feel more in control of my life, even when things outside me felt chaotic.

Four Tips To Manage Your Thoughts

Here are four practices I developed over the years to help me manage my thoughts.

These aren’t about pretending everything’s okay. They’re about creating the conditions for me to feel grounded, clear, and capable, even on tough days.

1. Become aware of your negative thoughts.

As I mentioned earlier, awareness is where everything starts. But here’s something I’ve learned:

Not all negative thoughts are loud. Some are subtle, disguised as logic or self-protection.

“I probably shouldn’t say anything.” “They won’t care anyway.” “I’m not ready yet.”

These can fly under the radar unless you’re actively paying attention. The goal isn’t to stop having negative thoughts. It’s to recognize them before they shape how you feel, speak, or act.

2. Find the opposite thought.

Once I identify a negative thought, I ask myself: what if the opposite were true?

If I’m thinking, “I’m bothering them by asking for help,” I flip it: “Maybe they’d actually appreciate the connection. Maybe it would feel good to them to be helpful.”

Challenging the first thoughts that come to mind, especially if they’re negative, is the best way to open up to other possibilities.

The goal is to think beyond the obvious and create options that are more positive, and bring a generous perspective. One that brings you closer to others, not further away.

Share

3. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt.

Negative thoughts tend to spiral into worst-case scenarios. We convince ourselves that things are doomed, that failure is inevitable.

And in that gray, there are just as many good outcomes as bad ones.

When we allow for the possibility that things might work out, we’re more likely to act in ways that make that outcome real.

4. Find the bright spot.

Even in the middle of hard things, there’s usually something to appreciate.

A small win. A kind word. A peaceful moment.

Shifting your attention toward what’s good doesn’t mean ignoring what’s wrong. It just keeps you from feeding the negative thoughts, which multiply and feed on each other.

More negative thoughts bring more negative thoughts.
The opposite is also true: positive thoughts bring more positive thoughts.

Leave a comment

You Don’t Have to Believe Every Thought

The most powerful shift for me has been learning that I don’t have to believe every thought that enters my mind.

Thoughts are just visitors. Some are helpful. Some are not.
You get to choose which ones you keep.

The more I practice mindful thinking, the more I’m able to create from a place of clarity and intention, not fear or habit. And the better life seems to flow.

So if everything starts with a thought…
What kind of thoughts are you building your life with?

I’d love to hear how you manage your mindset, especially on the hard days. Drop me a reply or share your story in the comments.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel
manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

Perfectionism is Insecurity

My perfectionist self is also my most insecure self.

I used to think perfection was the goal.

The perfect student.
The perfect entreprenur.
The perfect motorcycle build.

If I could just get everything “just right,” then I’d feel… what? At peace? In control? Maybe worthy?

For a while, it worked. I pushed myself hard. And I had the results to show for it. But over time, the cost became clear.

That drive for perfection didn’t come from confidence. It came from fear.

Perfectionism is Fear in Disguise

It took me years to realize that my perfectionism wasn’t a virtue.

It was armor

A way to seek approval. A way to protect myself from judgment. From failure. From not feeling good enough.

But the armor is heavy.

It keeps out the bad stuff, sure. But it also blocks the good. Joy, creativity, connection, and self-acceptance can’t get through when you’re constantly bracing yourself against the world, trying to project an image of you that is “perfect” but inauthentic.

I thought perfectionism was pushing me forward, but it was holding me back.

Now, I’ve traded it for something better: growth, self-love, and simply being myself.

That doesn’t mean I stopped caring or lost my ambition. It just means I learned to stop aiming for flawless and started aiming for being my authentic self.

It turns out that we all are perfect in our own way when we are ourselves.

Subscribe now

The Hidden Costs of Perfection

Perfectionism isn’t the pursuit of excellence, it’s the fear of falling short.

And that fear shows up in all kinds of subtle ways:

• Procrastinating on a project because it doesn’t feel “ready”

• Tearing yourself down over minor mistakes

• Holding others to unrealistic standards

• Feeling like nothing is ever good enough, even your wins

At first glance, perfectionism looks like high standards. But underneath it, it’s often a deep fear of being seen as inadequate. Not good enough.

I used to think if I got everything perfect, I’d finally feel good, feel competent, and I will get everyone’s respect.

But I learned that no amount of achievement can fix the feeling of not being enough. That has to come from somewhere else.

The Shift to Awareness

What helped me start letting go was becoming more aware of the expectations I was setting for myself and for others.

Awareness doesn’t mean fixing anything. It just means noticing.

Once I started seeing where I was setting unrealistic bars, demanding a flawless design, beating myself up over one off day at the gym, holding my team to impossible timelines.

Awareness helped me pause and ask: Is this actually helping me?

Most of the time, the answer was no. It was just habit. A pattern I learned somewhere along the way. And like most habits, it only had power if I kept running it unconsciously.

With awareness, you have a choice to break away from that pattern.

Share

Practicing Compassion, Even When It’s Uncomfortable

One of the hardest things to do when you’ve spent years chasing perfection is to be gentle with yourself. Especially when you fall short.

Self-compassion isn’t soft. It’s a skill. A muscle you have to build.

For me, it started with giving myself the same grace I’d give a friend. Saying things like:

• “You tried your best today, and that’s enough.”

• “You don’t need to prove anything right now.”

• “It’s okay to rest. You’re still valuable.”

It felt strange at first, almost indulgent. But over time, it started to stick. And when it did, I noticed something important:

When I was kind to myself, I was more open, more resilient, and more creative. I wasn’t performing anymore. I was just showing up as me to do my best at that moment.

The thing is that after a while, I realized that when I was being my “authentic self,” my performance was better than when I was trying to be my “perfect self.”

Mindful Gratitude Changed Everything

Something I didn’t expect is that the more I appreciated the small wins and little achievements, the less I obsessed over what I used to perceive as perfect.

I started a simple practice. At the end of each day, I’d ask myself:

• What did I handle well today?

• What am I proud of, even if it’s small?

• What am I grateful for?

Some days, the answer was big, landing a new project, solving a hard problem. Other days, it was I took a break when I needed it or I made someone laugh.

Over time, that shift changed the way I viewed my work, my relationships, and myself.

The Power of Self-Appreciation

There’s one practice that’s made the biggest difference: learning to talk about myself with appreciation, not judgment.

We’re taught not to brag. And that’s fine. But there’s a difference between arrogance and self-recognition.

So, I started giving myself credit. Not just for the wins, but for the effort.

I reminded myself: I’ve built businesses from nothing. I’ve worked through burnout. I’ve taken risks, failed, and kept going. That counts for something—even when the results aren’t perfect.

When we appreciate the full complexity of our journey, not just the outcomes, we stop needing everything to look polished.

We feel more comfortable in our own skin. And, ironically, that’s when our best work starts to show up.

Leave a comment

Letting Go to Move Forward

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Striving for excellence is powerful. But striving for perfection will burn you out.

Perfection says: You’re not good enough unless you’re flawless.
Growth says: You’re worthy even while you’re still becoming.

I still have high standards. I still care deeply about the things I build. But I’m no longer trying to earn my worth through perfect outcomes.

Now, I just want to do meaningful work, be fully myself, and keep getting better along the way.

That’s enough.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel
manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

Have you ever noticed how closely your mood and energy levels affect the way you speak?

A few years back, I started paying closer attention to this connection and discovered something fascinating:

My speech didn't just reflect how I was feeling—it could actively shape my confidence and emotional state, especially when I became intentional about the way I spoke.

On days when things were going well—when I felt energized and inspired—my words flowed effortlessly.

I spoke clearly, confidently, and built strong connections. People responded well, conversations clicked, and my self-assurance naturally grew.

But on other days, when I felt drained, anxious, or unmotivated, my speech revealed my internal state immediately.

My voice became quieter, sentences trailed off, and I struggled to express my ideas clearly. People seemed less engaged, and their reactions reinforced my lack of confidence.

Subscribe now

One day, I questioned this pattern:

Could I flip this equation? Could I deliberately change the way I spoke to elevate my internal energy and self-confidence?

I decided to experiment and found the results transformative.

Here is what I learned 👇

Awareness Changed Everything

Every positive change begins simply with noticing our actions.

When I started paying closer attention to the way I spoke, I noticed clear patterns.

Sometimes my speech was assertive, confident, and precise. Other times, it was hesitant, scattered, and filled with unnecessary filler words.

Once I became aware that I was slipping into these uncertain or weaker speech patterns, I consciously made adjustments.

I'd immediately correct my posture—straightening my spine, pulling back my shoulders, and lifting my head slightly. Taking a deep breath to center myself, I'd intentionally slow my speech, articulating each word clearly and deliberately.

Developing this kind of awareness isn't complicated; it starts with small, mindful check-ins. I'd briefly reflect after conversations, noticing how I spoke and how others reacted.

Occasionally, I'd record myself speaking, even if just for a moment, and listen back to identify habits I hadn't noticed. At times, I even asked trusted friends for gentle feedback on my communication.

Simply becoming aware of how I spoke made lasting change possible.

Now I'm consistently mindful of how I communicate and carry myself because I know that awareness truly is the first step toward any meaningful transformation.

Share

Speaking with Intention

When you speak with intention, the world around you responds differently.

As soon as I began practicing intentional speaking, I noticed something remarkable:

whenever I consciously adjusted my tone, pace, and clarity, my emotions and energy quickly followed suit.

My confidence rose, my anxiety eased, and I felt more grounded and present in every conversation. I was genuinely surprised by how swiftly this change happened.

Taking one deep breath before speaking became my simple ritual to center myself.

This small action calmed my nerves, reset my mindset, and allowed me to speak authentically without feeling the need to artificially project authority or confidence.

What I discovered is that intentional speaking isn't about external tricks or forced behaviors—it genuinely starts from within.

By aligning my internal state first, my words naturally carried greater weight and impact. Speaking intentionally has transformed not only how others perceive me but also how I perceive myself.

Self-confidence Comes From Within

Through experimenting with intentional speaking, I discovered that changing my behavior in small but meaningful ways made a huge impact.

Here are three powerful insights that emerged from this process.

First, posture makes a huge difference.

By simply standing or sitting taller, I felt immediately more confident.

Straightening my spine, pulling my shoulders back, lifting my chin slightly, and making eye contact allowed me to tap into a feeling of personal strength.

Even subtle adjustments like keeping my hands relaxed or planting my feet firmly on the ground made my internal state shift, increasing my sense of authority and clarity.

Second, intentional breathing focuses my energy on my strengths.

Before important conversations, consciously slowing down my breathing helped center my thoughts and ease my anxiety.

I'd take a slow, deep inhale, pause briefly, and exhale intentionally. This simple practice quickly shifted my emotional state, allowing me to connect to my strengths and speak from a place of confidence.

It became a powerful tool to calm my nerves and bring out my best self.

Third, deliberate speaking improves impact.

For me, this started by clearly organizing my thoughts before opening my mouth.

Writing regularly has greatly improved my ability to articulate ideas clearly. The key was to concentrate on one concept at a time, reducing filler words, slowing down my speech, and deliberately emphasizing important points.

Intentional pauses gave listeners the chance to absorb my words fully, significantly enhancing how my message resonated.

Whenever I apply these strategies, people respond noticeably differently. They become more attentive and respectful. Even more importantly, I feel a newfound respect for myself, reinforcing that these small adjustments truly have a big impact.

Leave a comment

Your Voice Creates Your Reality

Through experience, I've discovered that our voice isn't just a reflection of how we feel.

The way we speak actively shapes our emotions, our confidence, and how others perceive us.

Thankfully, we have complete control over this powerful tool.

True confidence doesn't come from waiting for validation from others. It emerges from within, strengthening each time we choose to act deliberately and purposefully.

One of the simplest yet most effective ways I've found to cultivate this internal confidence is by intentionally changing the way I speak.

Next time you find yourself feeling uncertain or anxious, consider this simple approach:

Start by noticing your current speaking style. Then, consciously adjust your posture, slow and deepen your breathing, and speak with deliberate clarity and a confident tone.

You might be amazed at how quickly your internal state shifts, and how positively those around you begin to respond.

Have you ever noticed this connection between your speech and your confidence?

I'd genuinely love to hear your own experiences and insights—please share them below!

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel
manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

The other day, I was talking to someone who was struggling with direction in his life.

He had deep self-doubts; he felt his career was stale, not really advancing, and he was uncertain if he was making the right choices or if life was simply passing him by.

Recently, he turned forty and felt uneasy about not yet having a family of his own.

His worries were piling up: a slow-moving career, no long-term partner, no children, and a growing sense of urgency and self-doubt.

Most of us can relate, at least in part, to what he was going through.

Subscribe now

Doubting our paths, feeling like we’re not where we’re supposed to be, worrying about missed opportunities, or wondering if we'll ever truly experience the life we envisioned. It’s universal.

At the end of our conversation, I paused and told him something from my heart.

I told him how awesome he was.

I reminded him of the bright light he brings into people's lives.

I reminded him how his natural energy draws the right people toward him, sharing specific moments when this happened.

I reminded him that he has this unique gift of being a positive force—a person whose presence alone lifts everyone around him, making their days brighter and their burdens lighter.

It wasn’t empty praise; it was sincere and specific.

It was a profound and heartfelt conversation.

Something shifted in his eyes when I spoke. A flicker of recognition appeared, and I could see him reconnecting with a part of himself he’d forgotten.

Later that day, I couldn’t stop thinking about how powerful that moment had been for me. I realized something profound:

Telling someone how awesome they are is a privilege.

When done honestly, reminding someone of their gifts—the unique and wonderful person they truly are—is one of the greatest privileges we have.

It’s more than a nice gesture. It’s an act of generosity and empathy, an opportunity to help someone see themselves clearly again, to reconnect them with their own inherent value.

But the words must be genuine, of course.

I’ve found that empty compliments never resonate. They lack the power to truly uplift or transform.
However, sincere acknowledgment, highlighting real strengths and meaningful traits, can change someone’s perspective instantly.

I actually wrote this down in my gratitude journal afterward because I felt so grateful for the privilege of that moment.

It reminded me how rarely we pause to tell someone exactly why they matter.

Yet, every time we do, we create an opportunity for a real connection and profound impact.

We often underestimate how much people need to hear what’s wonderful about them.

We assume they already know or think it's unnecessary. But the truth is, we all need reminding sometimes.

Having the opportunity to do this—reminding someone of their brilliance—is nothing short of a privilege. It is a win-win move.

So, I wanted to share this short reflection to encourage you to embrace these moments, too.

When you see something great in someone else, tell them. Don’t wait for a special occasion. Be specific, honest, and direct.

It could shift their entire day, maybe even their whole outlook on life.

And just as importantly, remember this applies to you as well. You, too, are a shining light. Don’t forget it.

Have you ever experienced a moment when someone’s genuine words changed your perspective, or perhaps you've done this for someone else?

Share your story in the comments—let’s keep reminding each other of our greatness.

Sending you good vibes, 🌻

Manuel
👉 manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

Reading time: 4 min.

Contents:

- Great Relationships Are Built on Candor

- Candor Creates Stronger Connections

- Candor in Personal Relationships

- How to Have a Dificult Conversation

- Candor is the Ultimate Test of a Relationship

Great Relationships Are Built on Candor

I’ve learned this the hard way—by staying silent when I should have spoken up, by watching relationships erode in unspoken frustration, and by avoiding difficult conversations that, in the end, would have made life easier.

We don’t speak up because we’re afraid.

Afraid of conflict.
Afraid of getting fired.
Afraid of hurting someone.
Afraid of damaging a relationship we want to keep.

But the irony is that the fear that keeps us quiet isn’t real. More often than not, when you push past that fear and have the hard conversation, the relationship gets stronger, not weaker.

That said, how you have those conversations matters.

Open and candid conversations are healthy, but candor isn’t about being blunt for the sake of it—it’s about being honest in a way that leads to clarity, resolution, and sometimes, necessary change.

In this essay, I’ll share my approach to having hard conversations—the kind that deepen trust, strengthen relationships, and give you peace of mind.

Subscribe now

Candor Creates Stronger Connections

The great relationship you want is on the other side of a hard conversation

Hard conversations are the building blocks of great relationships, whether at work or in your personal life.

If you feel like a teammate has let you down, say something.
If your boss isn’t pulling their weight, say something.
If your employees are slacking off, say something.

There are ways to go about it—timing, tone, delivery all matter—but the point is, if you keep biting your tongue, the relationship will slowly rot from the inside out.

I’ve been there.

There was a time when I had a boss who, to put it bluntly, wasn’t leading. He was hands-off when I needed guidance, absent when I needed support, and quick to take credit when things went well.

Every time it happened, I’d get frustrated. But I kept quiet because, well, he was my boss.

I thought I was keeping the peace. But really, I was making myself miserable.

Eventually, I realized that I had two choices. Either I speak up or I stay in a situation where I feel undervalued and resentful.

Before I said anything, I built options. I started looking at other jobs—not because I was sure I wanted to leave, but because I wanted leverage. I knew that if the conversation didn’t go well and I lost my job, I had a plan B. And that changed everything.

Having options gives you confidence.

When I finally asked for a meeting, I didn’t attack. I didn’t accuse. I laid out the facts. “Here’s what I need. Here’s what’s not working.” I was direct but respectful.

And to my surprise, he listened.

He wasn’t even aware of how his actions were affecting me. Once I told him, he saw my side and changed his behavior. He became more present, more involved, and more intentional about giving credit where it was due. The dynamic shifted, and our working relationship improved.

If I had never spoken up, nothing would have changed.

Candor always leads to clarity. And sometimes, it leads to a better relationship than you thought possible.

Candor in Personal Relationships

At work, speaking up is about performance, expectations, and results. In personal relationships, it’s about emotions, habits, and deep-seated patterns.

That makes it harder. But the principle still applies.

You won’t change people. That’s not the goal. The goal is for them to see your perspective and to understand how their actions affect you.

If they change great, if they don’s it is also good because you did what was under your control: expressing your self with candor, clarity and compassion.

I once had a friend who constantly flaked on plans. Small excuses, last-minute cancellations, always something. At first, I let it slide. Then, it became a pattern.

I started feeling like I was chasing the friendship.

So I spoke up. I told him, straight up, that his behavior made me feel like I wasn’t a priority. His response? “I didn’t realize I was doing that.”

After that, he made an effort. Our friendship improved.

But I’ve also had the opposite happen—where I spoke up, and the person got defensive. They didn’t change. And that was my cue. Instead of dragging out the inevitable, I knew it was time to step back.

Candor won’t always fix the relationship. But it will always show you where you stand.

Share

How to Have a Dificult Conversation

Speaking up isn’t just about what you say—how you go about it matters. How, when, and where matters.

A well-timed, well-framed conversation can change the course of a relationship. A careless one can cause unnecessary friction.

Over the years, I’ve developed a process that helps me approach these conversations with confidence and intention.

1. Do a Self-Inquiry First

Before I speak up, I ask myself a few key questions:

• Am I overreacting?

• Is this a pattern or a one-time thing?

• Have I contributed to the problem?

Not everything deserves a conversation. Some things are just bad days. Other times, what bothers me today won’t matter next week. If I’m upset, I give myself space before reacting, because reacting from emotion rarely leads to clarity.

If, after thinking it through, I still feel the need to address it, I check whether this is a pattern. One mistake, one forgotten detail, or one bad interaction isn’t always worth confronting. But if I see a consistent behavior that affects my work, my well-being, or the relationship, then it’s time to speak up.

I also ask myself: Have I played a part in this?

For example, if a teammate keeps missing deadlines, have I been unclear in my expectations? If a friend keeps flaking, have I do it myself to them creating the expectations that it is ok to flake? Taking responsibility for my own role makes it easier for the other person to do the same.

And if I suspect I’ve done something wrong, I bring it up first.

People often hold back because they’re unsure how to voice their frustrations. If I sense tension, I open the door by asking:
"Hey, I feel like something’s off between us. Did I do something that upset you?"

It’s amazing how much people appreciate this. When I take the lead in addressing tension, it gives them permission to speak freely.

2. Gather Clear Examples

One of the biggest mistakes people make in hard conversations is being too vague or speaking in absolutes.

Bad approach: "You never listen to me."
Better approach: "Last week in our meeting, I suggested X, and you dismissed it. Yesterday, the same thing happened with Y. I want to understand why."

Specific examples ground the conversation in reality.

They eliminate the natural tendency for defensiveness and keep the focus on facts instead of emotions.

When I prepare for a conversation, I make sure I can point to at least three instances that illustrate the issue. If I can’t find clear examples, it may just be frustration talking, not a real pattern.

3. Pick the Right Time and Place

Timing is everything. A well-timed conversation can lead to resolution. A poorly timed one can create more resistance than necessary.

Here’s what I avoid:

• Bringing it up when emotions are high. If someone is already frustrated, stressed, or under pressure, they won’t be open to hearing me.

• Addressing it in the middle of a big event. Just because I’ve worked up the courage to say something doesn’t mean it’s the right moment.

• Waiting too long. If I sit on an issue for months, resentment builds, and it becomes harder to have a calm, productive conversation.

Instead, I look for neutral moments when things feel steady. And if I don’t see one? I create one.

• In a work setting, I’ll say: “Hey, can we set aside 15 minutes to chat? There’s something I’d like to discuss.”

• In personal relationships, I might say: “Hey, I’ve been thinking about something and would love to talk when you have a minute.”

And always, always in private.

A hard conversation should be a two-way exchange, not a performance for others to witness.

4. Be Direct But Thoughtful

Candor isn’t about being harsh—it’s about being clear while keeping the other person’s dignity intact.

Bad approach: “You’re lazy, and I can’t rely on you.”
Better approach: “I’ve noticed you’ve missed a few deadlines. Is there something going on?”

Both statements address the same issue, but one invites a conversation while the other invites defensiveness.

When I bring up an issue, I use a structure that keeps the conversation productive:

1. State the behavior clearly.
   "I’ve noticed that you’ve been late to the last three meetings."

2. Explain how it affects things.
   "It’s been hard to move forward because we need your input."

3. Ask for their perspective.
   "Is there something going on? How can we fix this?"

This approach keeps the focus on resolution, not blame.

Another thing I remind myself: People don’t always realize how their actions affect others.

I’ve had conversations where I expected pushback, only to hear: "Oh, I didn’t realize I was doing that. Thanks for telling me."

That’s why tone matters. If I come in hot, assuming bad intent, I create resistance. But if I approach it as a conversation, not an accusation, I get a much better response.

5. Have a Measurable Outcome

A hard conversation should lead to action, not just venting.

I always ask myself:

• What needs to change?

• How will I know if things are improving?

It’s not enough for someone to say, “I’ll do better.” There should be a clear next step.

For example:

• If I talk to a teammate about missing deadlines, we might agree on a check-in system to keep projects on track.

• If I talk to a friend about feeling neglected, we might agree on a standing monthly catch-up.

Afterward, I take notes. Not formal ones, just for myself:

• What was said?

• How did they react?

• What lingers in my mind?

Sometimes, I don’t notice certain details until I write them down. The tone they used. The way I felt afterward. Writing helps me process what actually happened versus how I felt in the moment.

And if I see no real change over time? That tells me something, too.

Leave a comment

Candor is the Ultimate Test of a Relationship

We avoid hard conversations because we think they’ll make things worse. But in my experience, they almost always make things better.

The strongest relationships—whether at work, in friendships, or in life—are built on the ability to speak freely without fear.

When you don’t have to walk on eggshells, when honesty isn’t seen as a threat but as a sign of trust, that’s when a relationship is truly solid.

Not every relationship can handle that. And that’s fine. Some people will get defensive. Some will push back. Some will show you, through their reaction, that the relationship isn’t as strong as you thought.

But the ones that can handle candor? They’re worth everything.

When you avoid hard conversations, you avoid real relationships.

If you can’t say what needs to be said, if you feel like honesty would break things, then maybe that relationship wasn’t built to last in the first place.

Looking back, I’ve had plenty of conversations where speaking up made things better—strengthening trust, clearing misunderstandings, and making life easier. And I’ve had others where it ended things sooner than I expected.

Either way, it’s always been for the best.

What’s a time when speaking up changed things for you—either for better or worse? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Share your experiences—I’m always learning from these conversations.

Sending you good vibes, 🌻

Manuel
👉 manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

Reading time: 4 min.

Contents:

- How to Spot a Narcissist

- Strategies for Self-Preservation

- A Path to Clarity

Having a narcissist in your life and not knowing it can be one of the most stressful experiences.

I’ve been there, and it’s emotionally exhausting.

If you don’t realize what you’re dealing with, you might start thinking you’re the one at fault. But once you learn to spot and manage a narcissist, things get a lot clearer.

Have you ever worked with someone who seemed brilliant and supportive one minute, only to belittle you in private the next?

Perhaps they gave you glowing praise in a team meeting, then complained behind your back to the boss.

Or maybe they volunteered to “save” a project, only to take all the credit while subtly implying you would have messed it up otherwise.

Then, once they’ve milked all the benefits, they move on or discard the person or project that’s no longer useful to them.

I’m not a psychologist, but I’ve encountered enough of these personalities in my professional life to recognize the warning signs.

As a founder and team leader, I’ve also spent time studying—and teaching myself—how to handle them in a way that protects my well-being and fosters a healthier team dynamic.

Here’s a simple roadmap that sums up what I’ve learned. Take whatever resonates with you, and feel free to leave behind what doesn’t.

Subscribe now

How to Spot a Narcissist

Awareness comes first.

The only reliable way to know if a narcissist is in your life is to watch people’s behavior closely and see whether multiple red flags stack up.

One slip-up or self-centered moment doesn’t mean much on its own—everyone can be a bit narcissistic now and then. What you’re looking for are consistent patterns of problematic behavior.

Below are three common signs I’ve observed. If you see these traits surfacing again and again, you might be dealing with a true narcissist.

The Magnetic Glow

They often enter the scene glowing with charm.
Their wit and eagerness to help can feel like a beam of light.
I loved hanging out with this person, I would say to myself…

They remember your small wins and highlight them in front of others, making you feel appreciated.
They ask about your goals, nod supportively, and even volunteer help when it seems no one else cares.

If you’ve been underappreciated at work, this can feel like the validation you’ve always wanted.
You think you’ve found a real ally.

Then everything changes.

I’ve known people who, once they felt you were “hooked,” started using that initial kindness as leverage.
Suddenly, that brainstorming help or project support they offered gets mentioned in meetings: “Remember when I saved your bacon on that deadline?”
Over time, the glow of their charm morphs into a method of control.

Key Takeaway
Early-stage charm can be genuine in ordinary relationships, but pay attention if it’s used repeatedly as currency. Narcissists often weaponize their good deeds to keep you tied to them.

The Bottomless Well of Attention

Narcissists feed on attention.

It’s like a never-ending hunger that must be constantly satisfied.
They might expect you to listen to a barrage of stories about their own triumphs, personal dramas, or gripes about coworkers.

When they need praise, they show up at your desk, talk a mile a minute, and then vanish once they feel validated.

When you’re busy or have your own issues to handle, they can get angry—fury might be a better word.

That’s when the mask falls off.

If you don’t give them the praise and emotional energy they crave, they see it as a betrayal.

Suddenly, you become the enemy. They might undermine your work or speak badly about you behind your back.

We’ll dive deeper into ways to manage and protect your energy from this dynamic in the next section.

Key Takeaway
Recognize the pattern of constant attention-seeking followed by anger when you can’t provide it. Genuine coworkers respect each other’s time and emotional bandwidth. Narcissists treat attention like a resource they have an absolute right to.

Share

The Use-and-Discard Habit

True narcissists can’t maintain stable relationships for long.

Colleagues, clients, even bosses—all end up as pawns. Once a narcissist feels someone is no longer useful or fully admiring, they move on.

Some leave jobs every year, citing vague issues with “team dynamics” or blaming leadership for “not recognizing their brilliance.”

Others stay only if they have enough power in the organization to avoid consequences—think family-run companies or situations where they’re entrenched in upper management.

I once watched someone jump from job to job, each time blaming a “toxic environment.”

Yet in every instance, the same complaints from coworkers followed: exploitative behavior, charming in the interview yet dismissive once hired, and a refusal to collaborate unless they were guaranteed the spotlight.

Beyond switching workplaces, these patterns can also play out inside one company:

A narcissist might rotate through teams, “using” teammates who can elevate their status, then quietly discarding those they no longer find beneficial.

Along the way, they often rewrite the narrative to paint themselves as the victim—or the misunderstood genius.

Key Takeaway
Frequent job changes aren’t always a sign of narcissism, but a string of relationships left in tatters is a red flag.

Patterns of burning bridges and blaming others point to a deeper issue that won’t be resolved until they acknowledge it.

Strategies for Self-Preservation

Spotting a narcissist is only half the battle.

Once you’ve identified those red-flag behaviors—charm as currency, a craving for endless attention, and a trail of broken relationships—it’s time to protect yourself.

The aim isn’t to change the narcissist (that rarely goes well) but to preserve your own sanity and maintain a healthier work environment.

Below are three key strategies to help you navigate these tricky dynamics.

Stay Respectful, Avoid Direct Combat

Narcissists can get nasty if they sense confrontation.

They might twist your words, sabotage projects, or rally others against you.
Whenever I realized I was in the crosshairs, I chose to disengage respectfully.

It’s not about letting them “win,” but about protecting your emotional bandwidth.
Arguing with them in an open forum often sets off a chain reaction of drama—narcissists excel at spinning narratives that paint you as the aggressor.

By stepping back and keeping your composure, you starve them of the conflict they thrive on.

Practical Tip
Keep communication concise and written where possible—emails, project platforms, or messaging apps.

If they try to drag you into personal topics, steer the discussion back to professional subjects or politely exit the conversation.

Setting clear guidelines (like “Let’s put this in writing to keep track of action items”) not only reduces misunderstandings but also prevents any personal jabs from escalating.

Be Wary of Their “Charm Offensive”

If a blowout happens—maybe you caught them stealing credit, or they realized you see through them—they might try to reel you back in.

Suddenly, they will bring you flowers or gifts or offer to help with tasks they’d usually ignore or shower you with praise.

From my experience, this is rarely a genuine change of heart.

It’s more a tactic to restore the old dynamic where they remain in control.
They sense your guard is up, so they switch gears, hoping a sudden wave of kindness or “team spirit” will erase your doubts.

You might find them volunteering for projects that benefit you—or even praising your skills in front of higher-ups. This can feel flattering if you’ve been craving positive recognition.

But remember: they often do it to soften you up, so you’ll let them slip back into a position of influence.

Practical Tip
If you decide to re-engage, set strict boundaries.

Make it clear you appreciate the effort but won’t tolerate a return to old patterns.
Stay polite yet firm: “Thanks for the help, but let’s keep the conversation focused on the project timeline.”

Document any changes in behavior or commitments so it’s clear if they revert to manipulation. This reminds them—and yourself—that your trust needs to be earned, not forced through a temporary charm offensive.

Establish Your Boundaries and Stick to Them

Narcissists thrive on pushing limits.

They want your time, emotional support, and professional resources without reciprocation.

If you let them cross one boundary, they sense weakness and test the next.
I’ve made the mistake of letting things slide, hoping “it’s just a one-time favor.”
But these requests multiply.

They might guilt-trip you by saying, “I really need your help—no one else can do this,” or shift blame if you protest: “Oh, so you don’t care about team success anymore?”
It’s a slippery slope—the more you give in, the more they’ll keep asking.

Practical Tip
Decide on your limits in advance.
Is it about how much off-hours communication you’ll tolerate or how many tasks you can realistically take on for them?

Communicate these limits clearly—and be prepared to enforce them, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

A consistent “no” or “not now” can be your best ally. It shows the narcissist (and yourself) that your boundaries aren’t negotiable.

Leave a comment

A Path to Clarity

Encountering a narcissist in the workplace can rattle your confidence. The abrupt shift from their initial charm to a draining routine of demands and manipulation can leave you doubting your instincts.

Trust your gut. If you see these patterns repeated—intense charm, relentless need for attention, and a trail of broken relationships—consider taking steps to protect your time and well-being.

You don’t need a diagnosis to know something is off.

You don’t need to endure cycles of mind games until you’re at your wit’s end.

What you do need is awareness, a plan, and the determination to maintain boundaries.

Life at work is challenging enough without an energy vampire hovering over your shoulder. Learning to spot these signs, taking respectful but firm action, and preserving your mental space can save you from endless headaches.

Your Turn
Have you ever worked with someone who drained your energy in a similar way? I’m curious to hear how you navigated it and what advice you’d give others who find themselves in a tough spot.

Share your thoughts—I’d love to learn from your experiences.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel
👉 manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

Reading time: 4 min.

Contents:

Insecurity Hides in Plain Sight

Small Wins Build Confidence

Turning Self-Doubt Into Confidence

Those Deep-Rooted Insecurities

The Next Time Doubt Creeps In…

Maybe the noble dream you’re chasing isn’t driven by purpose—but by insecurity.

It’s funny how we can be so wrapped up in self-doubt that we stop noticing it. It becomes background noise, quietly shaping our choices and limiting our potential.

Everyone has insecurities.

Even the people who think they don’t—that thought alone is often a sign of insecurity. Pretending they don’t exist is pointless. They’ll always be there.

The challenge isn’t getting rid of them—it’s learning how to use them.

Insecurities and fears can be the biggest dream killers—or the best guidance we have. It all depends on how we see them.

For a long time, I thought being insecure was a weakness—something that made me vulnerable.

So I pushed harder. Worked more. Tried to muscle my way through to success. If I ignored my fears and insecurities long enough, I figured they’d eventually disappear.

But they didn’t. And fighting them? That was exhausting.

The more I resisted them, the more power they had over me. I spent years caught in that cycle, refusing to acknowledge what was really holding me back—only to get knocked down by life again and again.

Eventually, I realized I was approaching it all wrong.

Insecurity wasn’t something to fight—it was something to listen to. It wasn’t the whole truth, but it was a clue. A signal pointing to where I needed to grow.

The moment I stopped trying to overpower my insecurities and started learning from them, everything changed.

Instead of running from my fears, I started paying attention to what they were telling me.

And that shift made all the difference.

Subscribe now

Insecurity Hides in Plain Sight

The signs are there—if you’re willing to look.

The first step to using insecurity as a guide for better decisions is awareness.

If we want to understand what’s holding us back, we have to be willing to look closely—really look.

Insecurities don’t always introduce themselves as fear.

They wear disguises.

They show up as perfectionism, procrastination, self-sabotage.

They whisper instead of shout.

But once you know what to listen for, they become easier to spot.

Here are a few patterns I’ve noticed in myself—maybe you’ll recognize them too:

Endless comparison. It starts with a quick scroll. Someone else’s win makes you question where you are. Before you know it, you’re deep in someone else’s success story, measuring your worth against a highlight reel. And in the process, you forget your own.

The need to win at all costs. Competition isn’t bad—it drives progress. But when winning feels like survival, when every loss feels personal, it stops being about growth and starts being about proving something—to yourself, to others, to some invisible standard you don’t even remember setting.

Avoiding change, even the good kind. A new opportunity arises, and instead of excitement, there’s hesitation. A quiet but persistent voice whispers, What if I fail? The unknown feels riskier than staying where you are—even if where you are isn’t working.

Taking feedback as a personal attack. A simple critique can send you spiraling. Not because it’s wrong, but because some part of you believes it confirms what you’ve feared all along—that you’re not enough. That maybe everyone else sees it too.

There are more, but this is a good start. Once you recognize these patterns, you’ll start to see how seemingly noble habits—working harder, striving for perfection, avoiding risks—can actually be insecurity in disguise.

Self-awareness is uncomfortable. No one likes to admit they’re caught in these cycles.

But naming the pattern is what weakens it.

When you start recognizing these behaviors in real time, you create space between the thought and the reaction.

And in that space, you get to choose what happens next.

Small Wins Build Confidence

So many times, I’ve found myself stuck in a hole that felt too big to climb out of.

The goal I was chasing seemed so far beyond my abilities that I couldn’t see a way forward. I had no confidence in myself because I was looking at the whole challenge at once—and yes, that was overwhelming.

But the trick is to break it down into smaller, attainable goals.

That always stuck with me. When you focus on the next immediate step instead of the massive goal ahead, the task feels manageable. And when something feels manageable, you can move with confidence.

I remember a rugby game from my younger years where we were getting completely outplayed.

Nothing was going our way, and you could see it in everyone’s body language—we moved like a team that had already lost.

Shoulders slumped. Heads down. Hesitation in every play.

We didn’t believe we could win, and that lack of confidence showed up in how we played.

At halftime, our coach didn’t give us some grand motivational speech about making a comeback.

Instead, he told us to forget the scoreboard and focus on the basics:

“Don’t think about the end of the game. Don’t think about five minutes from now. Just focus on the next play—get the pass right, make the tackle, cover your position.”

So we did.

One good play turned into another. We started moving differently—faster, sharper, more sure of ourselves.

We didn’t win, but by the end, we weren’t the same hesitant team that had walked off the field at halftime.

That lesson stuck with me:

Confidence isn’t something you have or don’t have—it’s something you build, moment by moment, action by action.

Every completed pass. Every tackle. Every position covered. Each one added to our confidence.

Every small success was like a building block.

I see small wins like bricks. Stack them up, and eventually, you build a castle.

But for a long time, I made the mistake of only focusing on the big picture—the castle I wanted to build—without appreciating the bricks it took to get there.

When I started valuing and being grateful for each small victory, things shifted.

The castle started to take shape.

Confidence isn’t built in one big moment. You don’t suddenly wake up one day and feel confident.

It’s built in the quiet, consistent stacking of wins, no matter how small.

Share

Turning Self-Doubt Into Confidence

Most people think confidence is something you either have or you don’t.

That some people are just wired to trust themselves while others are doomed to second-guess every decision.

But that’s not how it works.

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you cultivate.

The real shift happens when you stop seeing self-doubt as a sign that something is wrong with you and start seeing it as part of the process.

The goal isn’t to eliminate doubt but to learn how to operate despite it.

Here’s what works for me:

Detach from the doubt.

Self-doubt feels personal, but it’s not. It’s just a thought pattern—one that gets reinforced over time. Instead of thinking, I’m not confident enough, I reframe it:

"I’m experiencing self-doubt right now—where is that coming from?"

That small shift helps me see it as something separate from who I am—something I can work on rather than something that defines me.

Redefine confidence.

Most people think confidence means knowing you’ll succeed. It doesn’t. Confidence is believing you’ll figure it out even if you fail. It’s trusting yourself to handle whatever happens—not guaranteeing a perfect outcome.

Borrow confidence from action.

Sometimes, confidence has to come after action, not before. Instead of thinking, I don’t have the confidence to do this, I flip it:

"I need to do this to gain confidence."

Take action first—small steps at a time. Confidence will follow.

Separate preparation from hesitation.

It’s easy to mistake endless preparation for readiness. But at some point, preparation turns into hesitation.

If you’re waiting for a moment when you feel 100% ready, you’ll be waiting forever.

Take the leap while you still feel unsure—that’s how confidence is built.

Trust the process.

Confidence doesn’t appear overnight. It’s built through repetition, through showing up, through proving to yourself—again and again—that you are capable.

The first time will feel uncomfortable.

The second time, slightly less.

By the tenth time, it won’t feel like such a big deal.

That’s how the shift happens.

Those Deep-Rooted Insecurities

Some insecurities aren’t just passing thoughts.

They’re ingrained. Built over years.

And the longer they’ve been there, the harder they are to untangle.

You can’t outthink them in a day, and you can’t will them away just because you want to.

They’ve had time to take root—so give yourself time to undo them.

The first step is recognizing where they come from.

Many insecurities don’t start in adulthood—they’re echoes of things we picked up when we were younger.

Maybe you were only praised for achievements, so now you tie your worth to success.

Maybe criticism hit harder than it should have, so now you second-guess everything.

Maybe you were taught that mistakes were something to be ashamed of, so now you avoid risks at all costs.

But once you see these patterns, you have a choice:

Let them keep running your life, or start rewriting the script.

Here’s what has helped me:

Question the stories you tell yourself. Insecurities thrive in unchallenged thoughts. That voice in your head saying I’m not good enough—where did that belief come from? Is it based on reality, or is it an old script that’s been playing on repeat? When I started challenging my own doubts, I realized most of them weren’t based on truth—they were just deeply ingrained fears disguised as facts.

Seek outside perspective. Some insecurities run so deep that seeing them clearly on your own is tough. Therapy, coaching, or even an honest conversation with someone you trust can help you see yourself differently. Sometimes, the right person can challenge your assumptions in a way that makes you stop and think, Wait… what if I’ve been wrong about myself this whole time?

Expose yourself to discomfort. Understanding insecurities is one thing—overcoming them is another. The only way I’ve weakened mine is by doing the very things they told me not to. Speaking up when I wanted to stay quiet. Taking the opportunity even when I felt unprepared. Each time I pushed through, I proved to myself that I was more capable than I thought.

Give yourself time. I didn’t build these insecurities overnight, and I wasn’t going to undo them overnight either. The key is patience. Every small step, every time I pushed back against doubt, was another brick in the foundation of a stronger, more confident version of myself.

The goal isn’t to erase insecurities—it’s to make sure they’re not in charge

Leave a comment

The Next Time Doubt Creeps In…

Insecurity keeps us stuck.

It convinces us to stay small, to hold back, to wait until we feel ready.

But fear isn’t a stop sign—it’s a signal.

It points to where we need to grow.

Confidence isn’t something you wake up with one day.

It’s built through action—small wins, showing up even when you don’t feel ready, proving to yourself that you are capable.

It’s about stacking those bricks, one by one, until the castle starts to take shape.

Deep-rooted insecurities take time to unravel, and that’s okay.

The goal isn’t to erase fear but to move forward in spite of it.

So the next time insecurity creeps in, ask yourself:

What if this isn’t a reason to stop?

What if it’s an invitation to grow?

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel

👉 manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

Reading time: 6 min.

Contents:

Knowing Eliminates Fear

Getting to Clarity

The Test: Feeling It Out Before Committing

How to Make a Plan of Action

Know What You Want—Then Go Get It

When I was 21, I had a conversation that changed the trajectory of my life.

Someone asked me, What do you want?

I thought I wanted to be an architect and travel the world. That’s what I had told myself. That’s what sounded good. but as I answered, the words felt hollow.

The truth is that I didn’t really know.

The things I thought I wanted weren’t my wants—they came from my parents, my friends, society. I had never stopped to ask myself if they were truly mine.

That realization hit me hard. I felt like a loser for not having a clear answer.

Like I was just drifting, letting my life be shaped by external expectations rather than my own desires.

Maybe I was even a little angry with myself—for not taking the time to stop, think, and define what I truly wanted.

Looking back, I can see that at 21, I was timid. Fearful at times. Definitely not bold. But when I finally gained clarity—when I knew what I wanted—I became a different person.

It was like metal being tempered, going from something soft and malleable to something sharp and unbreakable; and I liked that version of me.

A few years ago, I got a tattoo on my arm that says Know What You Want.

It’s not decorative.
It's not a random phrase I thought looked cool.
It’s a reminder. A simple, permanent instruction to myself.

Because when I know exactly what I want, I am unstoppable.

But knowing what you want isn’t always straightforward.

Sometimes, we hesitate. We second-guess. We wait for more clarity before committing.

Not out of fear—but because we want to make sure we’re aligned with what truly matters before going all in.

Subscribe now

Knowing Eliminates Fear

My dad used to say, “Cuando sabes quién sos, nadie te puede parar.”

When you know who you are, no one can stop you.

He meant it as a deep, unshakable sense of self—confidence rooted in self-alignment, in being at peace with yourself.

But I’ve realized the same is true for knowing what you want.

Fear creeps in when we’re uncertain. When we don’t have a clear view of what we want, where we’re going, or why we’re doing it.

We hesitate because we don’t fully trust our decision. We second-guess, overthink, stall. But the moment we reach clarity—the moment we know what we want—fear loses its grip.

I’ve made some of the biggest moves in my life without hesitation. Moving to a new country. Selling my company. Making tough career transitions. I wasn’t scared in those moments. Because I knew.

But the times when fear did show up? Those were the moments of uncertainty.

When I wasn’t sure if I was forcing something if I was convincing myself I wanted something when deep down, I didn’t.

It was never the leap itself that was scary. It was not knowing if I was leaping in the right direction.

So if you find yourself afraid to make a move, ask yourself: Is this fear coming from the leap, or from a lack of clarity?

The solution isn’t to push through fear. It’s to get clarity.

Getting to Clarity

One of the best ways to gain clarity is by asking better questions.

Our minds work like search engines. If you ask the wrong question, you’ll get useless answers. If you ask the right one, you’ll get clarity.

Here are some of the questions I ask myself when I’m figuring out what I truly want:

• Why do I want this?

• If no one else’s opinion mattered, what would I choose?

• If I knew this decision would succeed, would I still want it?

• Am I chasing this because I want it, or because I think I should want it?

• How does this decision feel when I imagine it fully realized? Does it make me feel expansive or restricted?

And then, I listen to your gut.

Clarity isn’t about having the perfect plan laid out. It’s about feeling aligned, grounded, and certain about where you’re heading.

The answer is in the feeling.

Share

The Test: Feeling It Out Before Committing

Once I have all the information I need to make a big decision, I don’t just analyze it—I feel it.

It’s like dipping a finger into the water before diving in.

I close my eyes and picture it—being there, doing the thing, living the life. I let the feeling sink in. Does it make me lighter? More alive? Or does something feel off?

This practice isn’t about hesitation. It’s about alignment.

Some people rush into things without testing if they actually fit. They chase goals that sound impressive, that look good on paper, only to realize they never really wanted them in the first place.

I’ve done that too—pursued things because they seemed like the “right” next step, not because they truly mattered to me.

Now, before I commit, I listen. Not just to my mind, but to my body. If every part of me is pointing in the same direction, I move forward with confidence.

And once I know?

Then it’s time to plan.

How to Make a Plan of Action

Once I know what I want and feel aligned with it, I make a plan.

Not just any plan—a structured one that turns vision into execution. Without structure, even the clearest vision can stay stuck in the realm of daydreams.

This is the framework I use to make sure my goals don’t just stay ideas but turn into something real.

1. Start With the Big Picture (Long-Term Vision – 12 to 24 months)

The long-term goal isn’t about having every detail figured out—it’s about having a clear enough vision that I can picture myself there. More importantly, I need to feel it. The vibe of achieving it has to resonate.

The first step is defining success in a way that goes beyond just the external markers. I ask myself:

• What kind of work fulfills me?

• How do I want my daily life to look?

• What kind of people do I want around me?

• How does financial security feel?

• What kind of environment makes me thrive?

Writing this out in full detail—down to how it feels to wake up in the morning—creates a strong mental blueprint. If a goal is only a vague idea, hesitation follows. But when it’s clear, it becomes real.

2. Break It Down (Mid-Term Focus – 6 to 12 months)

For the long-term vision to take shape, certain milestones need to happen first. That’s where the mid-term plan comes in.

I ask myself: If I could only focus on one thing this year to get closer to my vision, what would it be?

This step forces prioritization. It eliminates distractions. It turns broad ideas into something that can actually be tackled.

Having a clear mid-term focus makes it easier to say yes to the right opportunities and no to things that don’t move me forward.

3. Short-Term Objectives (1 to 3 months)

This is the execution phase—turning focus into action.

Instead of overwhelming myself by trying to do everything at once, I break things down into practical, short-term objectives:

• What’s the most urgent thing I need to accomplish right now?

• What foundational steps need to be in place before I move forward?

• What milestones will build momentum?

A lot of people struggle because they try to skip this step. They focus on the end result without setting up the foundation.

But a clear short-term plan makes big goals feel manageable and keeps progress steady.

4. Daily Action Steps (Every Day)

Big goals don’t happen in a single, massive leap. They happen through small, consistent actions.

Every day, I commit to a few key actions that push things forward. This could be reaching out to people, refining my skills, executing on projects, or simply showing up and doing the work.

The key is momentum. Progress isn’t about waiting for the perfect moment—it’s about taking steps forward, even on the days when motivation is low.

When I have a clear system in place, I don’t have to overthink every move. I just show up and execute.

Leave a comment

Know What You Want—Then Go Get It

There’s nothing more powerful than clarity.

When you truly know what you want, everything shifts. Fear loses its grip. Decision-making becomes effortless. Actions carry more weight.

You don’t have to know every step. You just have to know the direction.

So, what do you want?

Not what you think you should want. Not what others expect of you. What do you actually want?

If the answer isn’t clear yet, start asking better questions. Test it. Feel it out. And when you know—when it clicks into place—go all in.

What’s one thing you’re getting clearer on right now?

Let me know in the comments—I’d love to hear your story.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel

👉 manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

Reading time: 8 min.

Contents:

Sometimes, I need to be angry.

Poison or Medicine

Anger Is a Transition Emotion

A Lesson on Anger from the Spanish Language

The Danger of Staying Angry

Why Do We Feel Anger?

Constructive vs. Destructive Anger

Learning to Observe and Accept Anger

Sometimes, I need to be angry.

I don’t like myself very much when I am angry, but I’ve come to appreciate that version of me.

Anger has saved me more times than I care to admit. It has pushed me to take action and stand up for myself.

Anger has lifted me out of sadness and snapped me out of helplessness.

Anger has reminded me that I’m powerful.

But I also know that anger is dangerous. It’s a tool—like a very sharp scalpel. Used wisely, it can remove what’s toxic and make room for healing. Misused, it can cause irreparable damage.

That’s the tricky thing about anger…

Used well, it can be a force for clarity and action. But let it take over, and it will drain the joy out of your life.

Poison or Medicine

When I was a kid I remember being stubborn and proud, getting easily upset by things not going my way, and holding on to grudges for a long time.

When I got like that my dad would tell me, “Larga la quinina.” Let go of the quinine. He was telling me to let go of the anger.

Quinine, if you don’t know, is a bitter compound that was used to treat malaria. In small doses, it’s medicine. In large doses, it’s poison.

Anger works the same way. A little bit can be useful—it can push you forward, help you stand up for yourself, and give you the energy to fight for what matters.

But hold onto it too long, and it becomes toxic. It hardens into resentment, cynicism, and bitterness.

Subscribe now

Anger Is a Transition Emotion

Sometimes being angry is better than being sad, depressed, or powerless. Anger is an upgrade from low-vibration states.

There’s a hierarchy of emotions that psychologists like Dr. David R. Hawkins have mapped out.

At the bottom are emotions like shame, guilt, and despair—states that keep us stuck.

Anger sits above them. It has energy. It moves. That’s why sometimes when I feel powerless, anger is exactly what I need to break free

If you’ve ever been on the lower part of this chart, you know how hard it is to do anything.

Sadness, guilt, and grief are heavy feelings of powerlessness that keep you frozen. But anger? Anger has fire. It gets you moving.

I think of anger as an emotional stepping stone.

I don’t want to live in anger, but if it helps me climb out of something worse, I welcome it.

But always being aware not to stay there for too long.

Share

A Lesson on Anger from the Spanish Language

In Spanish, the verb “to be” is divided into two: Ser and Estar.

Ser is permanent. It’s who you are. Estar is temporary—it’s how you feel in the moment.

When conjugating anger you say “Estoy enojado,” you’re saying impermanently, I am angry (right now) It’s a temporary state, not an identity. That’s an important distinction.

The Danger of Staying Angry

The problem is when we find too much comfort in anger.

When anger becomes our most common state of mind. When we become an angry person.

I once worked under a manager who was always angry. You could see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice.

It wasn’t the kind of anger that burns bright and then fades. It was the slow, smoldering kind—the kind that had been festering for years.

She expected the worst in people. Every interaction felt like a battle. Maybe life had been unfair to her. Maybe she felt stuck. I don’t know. But what I do know is that her anger poisoned everything around her. It made my job harder than it needed to be. It drained the energy out of the room.

But the saddest part? The young person she once was—the one who had dreams, hopes, and bright eyes—had been replaced by the greyness and roughness of an angry soul.

I don’t know what happened to her. And now, with time, I feel compassion and empathy for her. But from that experience, I learned something valuable: I never wanted to become that person.

We all have reasons to be angry. Life is unfair. People let us down. The world can be cruel. But staying angry—letting it define you—means carrying a weight that slowly crushes you.

Share ADVISE MYSELF

Why Do We Feel Anger?

Anger is our body’s way of saying, Something isn’t right. It’s a survival mechanism that kicks in when we perceive a threat or injustice.

From a biological perspective, anger triggers the release of adrenaline and cortisol. Your heart rate increases, your muscles tense, and your focus sharpens.

This was useful when we needed to fend off predators or fight for survival. But in modern life, where most conflicts don’t require physical confrontation, this response can feel overwhelming.

Psychologically, anger often masks deeper emotions. It’s easier to feel angry than to feel hurt, rejected, or afraid. That’s why so many of us default to anger—it feels powerful. It feels like control.

Constructive vs. Destructive Anger

Not all anger is bad.

Some of the greatest movements in history were fueled by it. When anger is directed at injustice, when it motivates us to change things for the better, it becomes a powerful force.

But there’s a line.

Destructive anger lashes out. It damages relationships. It clouds judgment and makes us say things we regret. It convinces us we’re right when we might be dead wrong.

Constructive anger, on the other hand, is controlled. It doesn’t explode—it sharpens. Instead of asking, Who can I blame for this? it asks, What can I do about this?

Knowing the difference—learning to use anger as a tool rather than a weapon—is wisdom.

Learning to Observe and Accept Anger

With time, I’ve learned to recognize my own anger before it takes over. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.

Sometimes, when I watch the news, for example, I can feel my anger rising. I see it happening in real time.

I recognize the trigger, understand why it’s affecting me, and—most importantly—choose how to respond.

Instead of letting the anger consume me, I adjust my thoughts, shift my focus, and consciously lower my anger level.

This awareness—the ability to feel anger, observe it, and decide what to do with it—is critical to making wise choices.

Here’s what helps me:

Pause before reacting

When anger rises, it demands immediate action. That’s the trap. If you react instantly, you’re letting anger control you instead of the other way around.

So take a breath. Count to five. Create distance between the emotion and your response.

Often, just a few seconds is enough to prevent an impulsive reaction you might regret.

Ask yourself what’s underneath the anger

Anger rarely exists on its own. It’s often a cover for something deeper. Are you actually angry, or are you hurt? Are you afraid? Is there an old wound being triggered?

Taking a moment to reflect on the root cause can shift your perspective and help you respond with clarity rather than raw emotion.

Move your body

Anger is physical. Your heart races. Your muscles tense. Your body prepares for a fight, even when no fight is happening.

One of the best ways to release that energy is to move. Go for a walk. Do push-ups. Shake it out. Movement signals to your brain that the perceived threat has passed, allowing you to process the emotion without getting stuck in it.

Use anger as a signal, not a weapon

Anger is information. It’s telling you that something isn’t right. But what you do with that information matters. Let it guide you toward action, not destruction.

Instead of lashing out, ask: What is this anger trying to tell me? What can I change? When anger is used as a tool for insight rather than an excuse for reaction, it becomes a force for growth rather than harm.

Subscribe now

Final Thoughts

I don’t want to be a person who lives in anger. But I also don’t want to deny that anger has its place.

Used well, it’s a tool—a fire that can push us forward, a sign that something needs to change. But like quinine, too much of it will poison you.

So the real challenge is knowing when to let go.

What about you? How do you handle anger? Do you find it useful, or does it hold you back? Let’s talk.

Let me know in the comments—I’d love to hear your story.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel

👉 manuelsaez.com

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

Reading time: 3 min.

Today is a big day.

Today, I’m launching The Design Practice, a new project I’ve been quietly working on for a while now. And to be honest, I’m terrified.

Putting myself out there like this—publicly committing to something new—brings up a flood of emotions. It feels like I’m about to jump out of a plane, heart pounding, unsure if the parachute will open.

What if this fails? What if people don’t see the value? What if all the effort I’ve poured into this venture doesn’t resonate?

The fears are many, the voices are loud, and they’ve kept me up at night more times than I’d like to admit.

But here’s the thing I keep coming back to: I know this work has value. I know that what I’ve learned over years of leading, building, and coaching creative teams can help others avoid common pitfalls, streamline their operations, and ultimately unlock their full potential.

That belief is stronger than the fear, and it’s why I’m pressing forward despite the doubts whispering in my ear.

This moment feels deeply personal, not because The Design Practice is just another business venture, but because it represents something bigger—a leap of faith and trust in myself.

So, What Is The Design Practice?

The Design Practice is a consultancy that leverages emotional intelligence and AI to help creative teams work smarter by addressing the operational challenges of design.

Our mission is to empower design leaders to build and lead high-performing teams.

The past two years have been a journey of reflection and growth. After exiting my startup, I trained as an emotional intelligence coach and began working with founders and design leaders, diving deep into the human side of creativity, leadership, and technology.

Through this work, I gained valuable insights into the unique challenges design teams face. I discovered the opportunity to combine emotional intelligence and AI to help them perform at their highest level.

What We Do

We specialize in:

• Streamlining design operations: Resolving inefficiencies to free up time and focus for creativity.

• Fostering better collaboration: Helping teams work together more effectively across functions.

• Elevating creative output: Ensuring high-quality work without sacrificing team well-being.

Operational misalignment and inefficiencies drain teams of valuable time, energy, and focus—resources that are critical for creativity and innovation.

Left unchecked, these challenges don’t just lead to missed deadlines, frustration, and diminished creative output—they result in significant financial losses for teams and the companies they serve.

How We Do It

At The Design Practice, we combine:

• Emotional intelligence frameworks to address human dynamics.

• Systems thinking to optimize workflows and processes.

• AI-powered tools to create customized solutions tailored to the unique needs of each team.

By addressing both the human and operational aspects, we empower design leaders to unlock their teams’ full potential, enhance creativity, and consistently achieve exceptional results.

Who It’s For

• Design leaders in corporate teams: Design directors, managers, and leaders tackling the challenges of scaling teams, optimizing workflows, and aligning design strategies with broader business objectives.

• Creative agencies: Agency owners and teams juggling client demands, tight deadlines, and the need to deliver exceptional creative work without sacrificing efficiency or well-being.

• Independent designers: Freelancers and solo creatives aiming to grow their client base, streamline their processes, and scale sustainably while preserving their creative freedom.

To learn more about what we do, visit The Design Practice, or feel free to reply to this email—I’d love to hear from you.

A New Chapter

Starting something new is scary. Getting out of my comfort zone is, well, uncomfortable. The fear is real—but so is the excitement, and I’m pumped for what’s next.

If you’ve been sitting on your own idea, waiting for the “right time” or for fear to disappear, take the leap. You don’t need the fear to go away; you just need to trust that the parachute will open.

As I take this leap, I’ll continue writing and sharing on Advise Myself. But now, we’re adding a new dimension—exploring design, creativity, and how AI can empower teams and leaders to achieve more.

I’m starting a separate Substack for this journey. If you’re interested, you can subscribe here: The Design Practice Substack.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel
👉 manuelsaez.com