Ego Management 101

A Personal Guide to Spotting the Ego’s Tricks and Staying Open to Growth

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

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For me, a big part of growing up is learning to recognize and manage my ego.

Looking back, I can see countless times where my ego got in the way of winning,
of being happy,
of receiving love,
of getting the job I wanted,
of building strong relationships,
of saying “I’m sorry” or “I love you.”

But my ego also kept me going when I was tired,
helped me get up when I fell,
and pushed me to speak up when I was being silenced.

The truth is, when I do the math, an uncontrolled ego will hold me back more often than it will push me forward.

With a clear head and the benefit of hindsight, this is easy to see.

So I’m writing this as a reminder to myself, something I can come back to when I feel my ego taking over and clouding my judgment.

I want to be clear:
I don’t believe my ego is the enemy. I actually like my ego. It’s part of me. It made me who I am.

My ego is only one part of me. There are other versions of me, and the combination of them all, I’d like to believe, is the wisest version of me.

I love this book by Ryan Holiday, but I would change the title.

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The Ego Has Skills

The ego is clever. It knows how to keep you in check by playing subtle tricks.

The ego rationalizes everything, and it is really good at it.
I remember once my dad said in regards to people with big egos and their ability to rationalize their actions: “Probably, Hitler could rationalize his way to heaven.”

The ego creates stories to justify the perspective it wants you to see.
In my case, I can’t recall how many times I’ve had a “good reason” not to call someone back, or a “good reason” not to say sorry.
It’s not that those reasons were entirely false; they made sense at the time. But they were filtered through my ego and kept me from growing and living a full life.

The ego complains.
That little nagging voice that says, “This isn’t fair,” or “I’ve been doing this for so long, I deserve more.”
There might be some truth in that, but when the ego keeps feeding that narrative without balance, it creates resentment.
And that resentment, if left alone, can build for years.

The ego inflates your self-appreciation.
The ego tends to overestimate your contribution, how much time you’ve given, how deserving you are, or how essential you are.
It can make you say things like, “This company is going nowhere without me,” or “I’m the only one who can solve this.”

That’s ego in disguise.
It feels righteous, but it’s isolating. It is holding you back.

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How My Ego Held Me Back

As a designer, I’ve done countless presentations to clients and teams.
As a founder, I’ve pitched to investors more times than I can remember.

In both cases, the ego is under attack.
It flares up when I feel judged or dismissed.
I catch myself thinking things like, “They don’t even get it,” or “Who are they to question this?”

That’s ego.
And when I walk into a pitch with that mindset, I shut myself off from what could help me grow.
Maybe they do have good suggestions.
Maybe they see something I’ve missed.

But when the ego’s driving, I can’t hear any of it.
And the feedback I resist is usually the one I need the most.

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Ego Management 101

This is what I’ve learned, and what I try to practice every day, to highlight the value of my ego while minimizing its downside.

1. Awareness
I stay on the lookout for ego-driven thoughts or actions.
They often show up as anger, bitterness, entitlement, or self-pity.
The first step is noticing them, without judging myself for having them.

2. Acceptance
Once I see the pattern, I try to accept it.
It’s part of me. It’s okay.
Then I ask myself: Why am I feeling this way?
Usually, there’s a trigger underneath, something I’m struggling to control.
Letting go of that need to control is one of the most powerful emotional tools I’ve learned.

3. Take Corrective Action
First, I reframe the thought.
I let my ego say its piece, then I invite other perspectives in.
Is there another way to look at this?
Maybe what happened wasn’t personal.
Maybe there’s more to the story than what my ego sees.
The goal is to see the world without the ego’s filter, then take action considering the full picture.

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I still slip up.
I still catch myself arguing with reality, trying to prove a point no one asked me to make.
But I’ve gotten better at recognizing when it’s happening.
And sometimes, that pause is all it takes to shift things.

Because the truth is, I don’t want to live life trying to be right all the time.
I want to stay open.
I want to stay connected.
I want to grow.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel
manuelsaez.com