Know Your Demons

A Guide to Managing Self-Imposed Limitations

Jan 21, 2025

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

Reading time: 8 min.

My dad once told me, “Know your demons, son.”

At the time, I didn’t understand what he meant. I assumed it was about religion—some kind of epic battle between good and evil.

But years later, while reading Carl Jung’s work, the pieces finally fell into place.

He wasn’t talking about biblical fights; he was talking about the voices in my head.

The parts of myself I’d rather not face. The fears, insecurities, and doubts that clamor for attention—and sometimes, control.

I grew up with four sets of parents.

As the youngest of five siblings, my sister was twelve years older than me, and my oldest brother was eighteen years my senior.

By the time I began to understand the world, my siblings were already married, but they were often present in our home.

Our house wasn’t just a home; it felt like a bustling boardroom of well-meaning, but sometimes highly critical, advisors. My parents and older siblings always had an opinion about what I should do.

No matter what choice I made, someone was always disappointed and they told me about it.

Over time, those external voices fused into an internal hum—a persistent, nagging presence. That hum became my inner critic.

Sometimes, this critic’s voice is so loud it drowns out everything else. It blinds me to my progress, reducing my accomplishments to flaws and failures. But I’ve learned to recognize this voice.

I even gave it a name: “Pedro.”
Naming it was my first step toward managing it.

Pedro’s voice is just one perspective—often wrong, sometimes helpful, but always fear-driven. He isn’t alone, though.

Over time, I’ve come to see my mind as a boardroom, full of competing voices shaped by my experiences.

Each voice has its own fears, ambitions, and insecurities, pulling me in different directions.

But there is also a voice of wisdom in the room.

This one doesn’t shout or panic. It listens. It guides. It connects me to something greater than myself. I think of this voice as the chairperson of the board.

In this essay, I want to share how I’ve learned to manage the “board of directors” in my head—and how you can tune into the voice of wisdom within yours.

It All Starts With Awareness

The foundation for managing my inner critic is Awareness. Without it, the voices in my head remain an overwhelming blur, pulling me in conflicting directions.

Awareness allows me to step back, see what’s happening, and begin to understand the dynamics at play.

It’s the first step to recognizing who is speaking and why, so I can compartmentalize these voices, understand their motives, and decide how to respond.

For me, this process began with something deceptively simple: pausing.

When I noticed a thought rising to the surface, I didn’t immediately act on it. Instead, I asked myself:

What’s the vibe of this thought?

Sometimes it felt optimistic and encouraging. Other times, it carried anger, self-pity, or loneliness.

The goal wasn’t to suppress the emotion but to notice it and let it unfold. By identifying the emotion behind the thought, I could associate it with a version of myself—a voice in the boardroom.

This practice became like holding a conversation. I’d let the voice speak and express itself, without interrupting or judging it.

If a thought was steeped in negativity—anger, doubt, or fear—I’d deliberately seek out a counterpart with an opposing perspective: the calmer, more optimistic voice that offered balance.

Similarly, if a positive thought bubbled up, I’d reflect on its counterpart to avoid being blindsided by overconfidence or impulsivity.

The idea wasn’t to silence any voice but to give space for the full spectrum of emotions to surface and coexist.

The key to this process is awareness without immediate belief.

Just because a thought appears in your mind doesn’t mean it’s true or the only perspective. Thoughts are products of your experiences, biases, and fears—they’re not absolute facts.

By observing your thoughts without automatically believing them, you create space for curiosity and self-reflection. This distance allows you to see each thought as part of a larger picture rather than the sole truth.

The Art of Loving Yourself

One of the most powerful practices that changed my life was learning to love and appreciate myself—not from an egotistical point of view, but as a genuine recognition of my unique place in the world.

I see it as a deep gratitude for the journey I’ve lived so far—the good and the bad, the highs and lows, the tears and laughter.

It’s not about perfection; it’s about acknowledging that every step, even the missteps, has shaped who I am today.

When we put ourselves down and treat ourselves unkindly, it does more than hurt in the moment. It limits our potential, feeding cycles of guilt, anxiety, and self-doubt.

Kindness toward ourselves isn’t just a nice idea—it’s a necessity for growth.

Paradoxically, the more I love and appreciate myself, the more I love and appreciate others.

And the easier it is for others to love and appreciate me.

Here’s how I’ve learned to practice kindness toward myself:

Accept Imperfection as Part of Life:

Mistakes are inevitable, but they don’t define us. Instead of punishing yourself for them, take a step back and ask, “What can I learn from this?”

Reflection turns mistakes into opportunities for growth, while harsh criticism only deepens the wound and keeps you stuck. Recognizing imperfection as a shared human experience fosters compassion not just for yourself, but for others as well.

Make Time for Self-Care:

Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. For me, it might look like a walk in the park, a quiet moment of meditation, or simply getting lost in a good book.

These moments of rest are not luxuries—they’re necessities. When I prioritize these acts of care, I find I’m better equipped to handle life’s challenges with resilience and clarity.

Celebrate Small Wins:

The inner critic thrives on pointing out flaws, but you can counter it by intentionally celebrating your victories—no matter how small.

-Did you finish a project? That’s progress.
-Did you take care of yourself today? That’s worth celebrating, too.

Acknowledging these moments reinforces the belief that you are capable and deserving, building momentum toward bigger wins.

These small acts of self-kindness accumulate over time. They quiet the voice of criticism and amplify the voice of wisdom, reminding you that you are enough—not because of what you achieve, but simply because of who you are.

Perfectionism Is Just Fear and Insecurity

Perfectionism often disguises itself as a noble pursuit—a relentless drive for excellence.

But in reality, perfectionism is a smokescreen for deeper fears and insecurities.

At its core, perfectionism is about avoiding judgment, failure, or the feeling of not being “enough.”

It doesn’t protect us; it paralyzes us. It turns creativity into anxiety and makes growth feel like an exhausting game of avoidance.

Here’s how I’ve learned to deal with perfectionism:

Recognizing When You’re Being Overly Critical:
Perfectionism thrives on harsh self-talk, so the first step is to pause and check your tone. Ask yourself, “Would I judge a friend this harshly?” Chances are, the answer is no. We often hold ourselves to impossible standards we’d never impose on others. By noticing this double standard, you can begin to reframe your inner dialogue into something kinder—something that leaves room for growth and imperfection.
Shifting the Focus to Learning:
Perfectionism makes every mistake feel like a failure, but mistakes are actually stepping stones to growth. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on progress. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” or “How can this experience help me improve?” Shifting to a mindset of curiosity transforms mistakes into opportunities rather than catastrophes. Over time, learning becomes the goal—and growth feels far more rewarding than chasing perfection ever could.
Setting Realistic Expectations:
Big goals can be inspiring, but perfectionism tends to magnify them until they feel impossible. To counter this, break your goals into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate progress along the way instead of waiting for a distant, “perfect” finish line. Even imperfect progress is still forward movement. Each small win reinforces that you’re capable, even when things don’t go exactly as planned.

The truth is, that perfectionism never delivers the safety or validation it promises. But when you replace it with self-compassion and a commitment to learning, you unlock a path to genuine growth—and a lot more peace along the way.

Who Is in Your Entourage?

The people in your life profoundly shape the voices in your head.

Without realizing it, most of the decisions we make are influenced by how they’ll be perceived by others.

It’s wild when you think about it—how much energy we spend living in the imagined opinions of others.

While completely changing this behavior may not be realistic—we’re human, and the need to fit in and be accepted runs deep—one thing is certain: the quality of the people in your life directly impacts the quality of your life.

The company you keep can either amplify your inner critic or help you quiet it.

A supportive social environment is essential for shaping those inner voices. Surround yourself with people who encourage and inspire you—those who see your potential and remind you of it.

At the same time, steer clear of those who fuel your insecurities or reinforce perfectionist tendencies. The people you spend time with profoundly influence how you see yourself, so choose them wisely.

When interacting with others, practice kindness—both toward them and yourself. If a friend confides in you, listen without judgment.

When you make a mistake, offer yourself the same understanding you would extend to a loved one. This kind of reciprocity creates a safe, encouraging environment where growth and self-acceptance can thrive.

A Final Thought: Embrace Your Inner Boardroom

The voices in your head—Pedro, your fears, your ambitions, and your wisdom—will never fully disappear. And that’s okay.

The goal isn’t to silence them but to learn from them. Let the voice of wisdom guide the boardroom. Trust that you are capable of growth, even when the critic gets loud.

I’ll leave you with this: What does your inner critic sound like? And how can you invite the voice of wisdom to speak a little louder?

Let me know in the comments—I’d love to hear your story.

Sending you good vibes 🌻

Manuel

👉 manuelsaez.com

Schedule a Free Coaching Call