Feeling Guilty is Holding You Back
How Founders Can Move Away From Self-Blame and Turn Mistakes into Opportunities
I'm Manuel Saez, I write to help founders master emotional intelligence to make decisions with clarity 🌻 EQ coach, 2X-founder & award-winning designer ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵 🏍
Reading time: 6 min.
Contents:
The Myth of Perfection: Accepting Our Best Efforts
Overcoming Self-Blame in the Startup World
How to Overcome or Avoid Self-Blame
Leveraging Emotional Intelligence to Turn Mistakes into Opportunities
The Power of Accepting Your Mistakes
Key Takeaways
When I was around ten years old, I helped my Dad cut tree branches that had overgrown our house on a Sunday afternoon after returning from playing rugby.
He was on the ladder with the chainsaw, and other people were below, manning the ropes to ensure the branch would not damage the roof when it fell.
After the chainsaw suddenly stopped, I heard a loud crash. The brach had fallen right through the roof and made a big hole.
My Dad came down the ladder and proceeded to inspect the damage. As he walked around the house, looking up, he said a few times,
"Para qué vivir en reproche," or "Why live in reproach?" He said it with a smile.
With time, I understood how good his mindset was. This wasn't about ignoring failure but understanding that mistakes are part of life and that lingering in guilt and shame is just extending the life of the problem.
This mindset has been invaluable in my journey as a founder. I am not saying that I never felt negative feelings of anger, shame, guilt, etc., when I made mistakes, but seeing how he dealt with them positively gave me a window to a much better way to handle the problems and how to manage my emotions is a much healthier way.
The Myth of Perfection: Accepting Our Best Efforts
Most founders tend to be overcompetitive and perfectionist. This is a bit of a requirement; you need some of that to win, that is for sure, but when those traits are not balanced with self-awareness, acceptance, and an easy outlook on life, the results can be a limitation.
Believing that we must always perform flawlessly sets us up for disappointment and self-blame when we make mistakes or don't do as well as expected.
Continuously blaming yourself for a mistake you made is a mistake in itself.
The reality is that everyone is doing their best with the resources and knowledge they have at the time.
Feeling guilt or shame is easy when we fall short of our expectations. However, these emotions are counterproductive. What matters is recognizing that we did our best under the circumstances.
By accepting our efforts, we free ourselves from the toxic cycle of self-blame and can focus on improving and growing. This acceptance is crucial for personal and professional development, especially in the high-stakes world of startups.
Overcoming Self-Blame in the Startup World
Startup founders are often their harshest critics. The pressure to succeed can lead to intense self-blame when things go wrong. This is especially true in the high-stakes environment of startups, where every decision feels crucial, and failure can seem the end of the company.
However, this mindset keeps you focused on the problem and what went wrong rather than on the solution or the learnings.
Overcoming self-blame involves acknowledging your errors, learning from them, and moving forward with more energy.
Start by recognizing that mistakes are a natural part of the entrepreneurial journey. Each error is an opportunity to gain insights and improve. Instead of lingering on your mistakes, focus on what can be improved.
Encourage open discussions about your own failures and the lessons you have learned to promote a collaborative environment where everyone can contribute to finding solutions. This transparency helps you grow and sets a positive example for your team, encouraging them to adopt a similar mindset.
How to Overcome or Avoid Self-Blame
Practice Self-Compassion:
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend or someone you love facing similar challenges.
This means recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and that these mistakes do not define your worth.
Self-compassion helps reduce harsh self-criticism and allows you to view your errors with a more balanced perspective.
I encourage you to speak to yourself in a supportive way, acknowledging your efforts and understanding that setbacks are a natural part of growth.Focus on Solutions, Not Problems:
It is easy to get stuck on what went wrong or look for blame when things go wrong, but shifting your focus to how to fix the issue fosters a more constructive mindset.
A problem-solving approach encourages you to analyze the situation objectively and identify actionable steps to address the root cause.
This mindset helps you move forward and builds confidence in your ability to handle future challenges.
Focus on solutions, and you will transform obstacles into opportunities for improvement, reinforcing a positive cycle of growth and success.Reflect and Learn:
After a setback, give yourself time to reflect on the experience. This reflection should be done with a clear and calm mind, free from immediate emotional responses.
On big mistakes, I like to do “post-mortem analysis” to help me identify what went wrong, why it happened, and the learnings from it.
This process turns mistakes into valuable lessons that inform future decisions and strategies. By understanding the underlying factors of your errors, you can develop better approaches and avoid repeating the same mistakes.
Leveraging Emotional Intelligence to Turn Mistakes into Opportunities
Emotional intelligence (EQ) gives you a competitive edge by allowing you to see opportunities where others see only setbacks. Mistakes, often viewed negatively, can be powerful growth opportunities when approached with the right mindset.
People with developed EQ can recognize that mistakes are not failures but learning experiences that provide valuable insights. These insights can lead to better strategies and solutions.
As a startup founder, embracing this perspective can give you an edge. Instead of spending emotional energy dwelling on what went wrong, you focus on what you can learn and how to improve.
The Power of Accepting Your Mistakes
For me, acceptance is one of the most powerful tools/mindsets for overcoming failure.
When faced with setbacks, it's easy to fall into the trap of self-blame. However, accepting that you did your best under the circumstances can shift your perspective.
This acceptance doesn't mean complacency; it means recognizing your efforts and understanding that failure is part of the process.
Accepting failure allows you to learn and grow from the experience. This mindset is crucial to help you return to your best self faster. It enables you to bounce back from setbacks stronger and more determined rather than being bogged down by self-criticism.
I have written another post on “Acceptance" and how it can transform your approach to challenges. You might find this “The Power of Acceptance” post helpful.
Self-blame is a heavy burden that can slow progress and growth, especially in the high-pressure world of startups, but the right mindset can make a difference in the business's success and overall happiness.
Emotional intelligence can help you manage emotions and make better decisions under pressure. Successful founders embrace acceptance, learn from mistakes, and focus on continuous improvement.
Key Takeaways
Embrace Setbacks: Learn from mistakes without dwelling on them.
Accept Your Best Efforts: Recognize that everyone does their best with the resources and knowledge they have at the time.
Shift Your Focus: Concentrate on solutions and improvements rather than self-blame.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding.
Leverage Emotional Intelligence: See growth opportunities where others see only setbacks.
Sending you good vibes 🌻
Manuel Saez