On Being Angry

A Framework for Turning Anger into Wisdom

Feb 04, 2025

Hi, I'm Manuel Saez, 2x Founder, Award-Winning Designer, and Emotional Intelligence Coach 🌻 Here I Share the advice I wish I had while building my businesses ➜ I love fixing old motorcycles 🛵🏍️

Reading time: 8 min.

Poison or Medicine

When I was a kid I remember being stubborn and proud, getting easily upset by things not going my way, and holding on to grudges for a long time.

When I got like that my dad would tell me, “Larga la quinina.” Let go of the quinine. He was telling me to let go of the anger.

Quinine, if you don’t know, is a bitter compound that was used to treat malaria. In small doses, it’s medicine. In large doses, it’s poison.

Anger works the same way. A little bit can be useful—it can push you forward, help you stand up for yourself, and give you the energy to fight for what matters.

But hold onto it too long, and it becomes toxic. It hardens into resentment, cynicism, and bitterness.

Anger Is a Transition Emotion

Sometimes being angry is better than being sad, depressed, or powerless. Anger is an upgrade from low-vibration states.

There’s a hierarchy of emotions that psychologists like Dr. David R. Hawkins have mapped out.

At the bottom are emotions like shame, guilt, and despair—states that keep us stuck.

Anger sits above them. It has energy. It moves. That’s why sometimes when I feel powerless, anger is exactly what I need to break free

If you’ve ever been on the lower part of this chart, you know how hard it is to do anything.

Sadness, guilt, and grief are heavy feelings of powerlessness that keep you frozen. But anger? Anger has fire. It gets you moving.

I think of anger as an emotional stepping stone.

I don’t want to live in anger, but if it helps me climb out of something worse, I welcome it.

But always being aware not to stay there for too long.

A Lesson on Anger from the Spanish Language

In Spanish, the verb “to be” is divided into two: Ser and Estar.

Ser is permanent. It’s who you are. Estar is temporary—it’s how you feel in the moment.

When conjugating anger you say “Estoy enojado,” you’re saying impermanently, I am angry (right now) It’s a temporary state, not an identity. That’s an important distinction.

You can be angry. But you are not your anger.

The Danger of Staying Angry

The problem is when we find too much comfort in anger.

When anger becomes our most common state of mind. When we become an angry person.

I once worked under a manager who was always angry. You could see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice.

It wasn’t the kind of anger that burns bright and then fades. It was the slow, smoldering kind—the kind that had been festering for years.

She expected the worst in people. Every interaction felt like a battle. Maybe life had been unfair to her. Maybe she felt stuck. I don’t know. But what I do know is that her anger poisoned everything around her. It made my job harder than it needed to be. It drained the energy out of the room.

But the saddest part? The young person she once was—the one who had dreams, hopes, and bright eyes—had been replaced by the greyness and roughness of an angry soul.

I don’t know what happened to her. And now, with time, I feel compassion and empathy for her. But from that experience, I learned something valuable: I never wanted to become that person.

We all have reasons to be angry. Life is unfair. People let us down. The world can be cruel. But staying angry—letting it define you—means carrying a weight that slowly crushes you.

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Why Do We Feel Anger?

Anger is our body’s way of saying, Something isn’t right. It’s a survival mechanism that kicks in when we perceive a threat or injustice.

From a biological perspective, anger triggers the release of adrenaline and cortisol. Your heart rate increases, your muscles tense, and your focus sharpens.

This was useful when we needed to fend off predators or fight for survival. But in modern life, where most conflicts don’t require physical confrontation, this response can feel overwhelming.

Psychologically, anger often masks deeper emotions. It’s easier to feel angry than to feel hurt, rejected, or afraid. That’s why so many of us default to anger—it feels powerful. It feels like control.

There’s a difference between using anger and being used by it.

Constructive vs. Destructive Anger

Not all anger is bad.

Some of the greatest movements in history were fueled by it. When anger is directed at injustice, when it motivates us to change things for the better, it becomes a powerful force.

But there’s a line.

Destructive anger lashes out. It damages relationships. It clouds judgment and makes us say things we regret. It convinces us we’re right when we might be dead wrong.

Constructive anger, on the other hand, is controlled. It doesn’t explode—it sharpens. Instead of asking, Who can I blame for this? it asks, What can I do about this?

Knowing the difference—learning to use anger as a tool rather than a weapon—is wisdom.

Learning to Observe and Accept Anger

With time, I’ve learned to recognize my own anger before it takes over. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.

Sometimes, when I watch the news, for example, I can feel my anger rising. I see it happening in real time.

I recognize the trigger, understand why it’s affecting me, and—most importantly—choose how to respond.

Instead of letting the anger consume me, I adjust my thoughts, shift my focus, and consciously lower my anger level.

Me, choosing to chill and not get angry :)

This awareness—the ability to feel anger, observe it, and decide what to do with it—is critical to making wise choices.

Here’s what helps me:

Pause before reacting

When anger rises, it demands immediate action. That’s the trap. If you react instantly, you’re letting anger control you instead of the other way around.

So take a breath. Count to five. Create distance between the emotion and your response.

Often, just a few seconds is enough to prevent an impulsive reaction you might regret.

Ask yourself what’s underneath the anger

Anger rarely exists on its own. It’s often a cover for something deeper. Are you actually angry, or are you hurt? Are you afraid? Is there an old wound being triggered?

Taking a moment to reflect on the root cause can shift your perspective and help you respond with clarity rather than raw emotion.

Move your body

Anger is physical. Your heart races. Your muscles tense. Your body prepares for a fight, even when no fight is happening.

One of the best ways to release that energy is to move. Go for a walk. Do push-ups. Shake it out. Movement signals to your brain that the perceived threat has passed, allowing you to process the emotion without getting stuck in it.

Use anger as a signal, not a weapon

Anger is information. It’s telling you that something isn’t right. But what you do with that information matters. Let it guide you toward action, not destruction.

Instead of lashing out, ask: What is this anger trying to tell me? What can I change? When anger is used as a tool for insight rather than an excuse for reaction, it becomes a force for growth rather than harm.